The Good Old Days

Hello everyone! I'm back. Yup, still alive. :)

I am going through one of my books right now and writing the 3rd draft, (I wrote the 1st draft when I was MUCH younger) and I have been having the time of my life reading it. :D

Anyone who has looked back on old writings of theirs, old paintings, whatever it is, will know what I mean when I say I took one look at the page, burst out laughing, and threw it across the room.

There is a part that I am cutting entirely, not revising, but cutting out because it does not relate to the story at all and quite frankly, is just ridiculous, that I could not help being a little sad to be getting rid of. It was just so...so...well, you will see what I mean. ;)

Do you want to read it?

Here goes, I am just slightly embarrassed to be putting this out there, but bearing in mind that I am much older and improved, I will give you the privilege of reading it. Just as a heads up, it is all in a fictional land that I made up.

This is all the original spelling and punctuation.

Peter was getting very frusterated, "I probably have the lousiest ten men in Nuvrea!" he thought. Many times they had complained about exhaustion, tiredness, hunger, lousy traveling mates, and other things. So Peter finally decided to do something about it, he led them to a clearing in the middle of many trees, so no random pedestrians could see them. He ordered them to get off their horses and said, "okay, I've seen what great men you are in the past five days, therefore I'm putting together a little camp for you. Any questions?"
Michael raised his sword, "Yes Michael?" Peter asked. "What kind of camp?" Michael asked.
"Toughening camp," Peter said, "Now, to start off, give me all your weapons." The men hesitantly handed their swords and bows to him. Peter placed them on a log, and then, without warning, punched Michael in the stomach. "Ow!" Michael cried, and clutched his middle. Peter turned on the next, and hit him over the head, on the back, and then tripped him. The men started to defend themselves but Peter was much too fast for them, by nightfall they were all laying on the ground in a big heap.
"You guys are the saddest warriors I've ever seen," Peter said, "okay, everybody bedtime! Early tomorrow same thing." The men groaned in reply.

"You!" Peter said, the man he was pointing at snapped to attention, "what do you want to eat?" "Eat?" the man was stunned, "well I, I'd like some fried fish." "Okay," Peter said, "you have exactly five minutes to catch it, fry it, and be eating it. Okay, three, two, one, go!"
The man grabbed his arrow and ran to the stream, the rest of the men laughed at his feeble attempts to catch one. After ten minutes he finally caught it, he ran to make a fire, now the men laughed even harder. After twenty minutes he finally lit it, in the making of the fish, he burnt it, and realized after he had already taken a bite, that he forgot to skin it. The rest of the men were rolling on the ground laughing now.
Peter rolled his eyes, "attention!" he yelled. The men jumped up and saluted.
"Which of you were laughing?" Peter asked. No response. "I saw which of you were, so if your lying, I'll know. Now, if you were laughing, raise your sword.
All of the swords except two raised, Peter walked over to the two that were not raised, "I saw you two laughing, YOU catch some fish and cook it. When your done it had better be perfect cause the rest of you are eating it. Now go!" The two men ran and did as instructed. Peter turned to the othe five, "you will serve this man in any way he wishes for the next two days." He turned to the first man, "and you will wrestle me again." The man's face turned pale, and Peter hit him in the stomach.

(later)

"Okay, now do a pushup," Peter commanded.
Michael collapsed. He had just crawled thirty yards with Peter on his back, and doing a pushup was just too much. "Now lets see how the others are doing," Peter said. He got up and nudged one of the crawling men, he collapsed as well.
"Okay! Break time!"
All of the men scrambled to there feet, "you have exactly six minutes to make dinner. Three, two, one, go!"

The men did these excersizes and routines for days, until finally, the could do five pushups after crawling thirty yards with someone on their back, catch fish and cook them (without burning them) in six minutes, since they were never a match for Peter at wrestling, at least dodge his blows, and many other heartwrenching painful things.
When they could finally do it all, Peter said, "you may be happy to know, I only have three more things for you."
The men cheered, "this is the first one," Peter said holding up a bottomless bowl, "fill this up with water." One man walked up and held it, another came to try to fill it up, they used the water from the stream.
"Here are the rules," Peter said, "no helping eachother, no talking, and no letting the water touch yourself."
He handed out the bowls to all of the men, "and no sleeping."
The men poured and poured and poured and poured, until they clenched their teeth in frustration,  strained to stay awake, and several of them quit. The next day they were still at it, but to no avail. Peter watched them in amusement, and when nightfall came, one of them said, "there is no way!"
"Wrong," Peter said, "you just haven't found it yet. And you just cheated, sixty pushups."
At last, one of the men became so frusterated, he left, and came back with a large peice of bark. He covered up the whole in the bowl, and then filled it up.
"You may all stop now," Peter said, "he has figured it out."
The men started mightily protesting, and one said, "why did you tell us to do that anyhow?!"
They all waited for his response, it came, "one, to teach you a lesson, and two, to see how long it would take for you to figure it out."
"What was the lesson?" The man who had figured it out asked.
"The lesson was this: Sometimes the answer is the simplest thing," Peter said, "now for the next thing, you must find the one tree that I marked in that forest. Hey you!" he pointed to one of the men.
"Yes?" the man asked.
"You are only allowed to look up. You!" he pointed the next one, "are only allowed to look down. You! You are only allowed to look to the right. You! Are only allowed to look to the left, You! Are not allowed to open your eyes at all. You! Have to run backwards. And the rest of you can see normally."
They all nodded, "okay, go!" He watched them run to the forest, and he ran after them, so he could "supervise." When they reached the forest, they switched there head posisions and started running to find the tree. These were the noises Peter heard,

"Ow! You numskull! Look where your going!"
"I can't see you idiot! I can't run forwards!"
"Hey! Ouch!"
WHAM! "Ooooohhh....."
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Bam! "Oh! I think I broke something!"
"YOU'RE complaining!"
"Ow my head!"
"Watch it you nincompoop!"
"Hey!"
"My poor head!"
"Oh shut up!"
"I think I found it! Peter! Did you mark it in red?"
Peter: "Nope. But I think we found the reason for Tom's headache."
"My head!"
"Eww!"
"What?!"
"You touched m...Ouch!"
"Am I about to run into a..." POW! "Ow!"
"Yup."
"Hey! You can actually see! Help me out!"
"No! I have to find that tree!"

It went on like this past sundown, until finally Peter said, "bedtime! We'll pick it up again tomorrow."

Basically the same thing happened as before. Those who could see, looked for the tree, while being rammed into by those who couldn't, and those who (mostly) couldn't, rammed into trees, and altogether, had no idea where they were going.
Finally, someone suggested they team up. So half of the seeing men joined ranks with the one who couldn't see, the only who could only look up, and the one who could only look to the right. The other half teamed up with the one who could only run backwards, the one who could only look down, and the one who could only look to the left.
Unfortunately, neither teams had ever teamed up before, so things went pretty much the same way.
At about ten o'clock that night, Michael spoke up, "this is insanity! It is truly impossible to find the tree like this! So if anyone wants to find it, the teammates had better work together. We can have leaders, we can have rules, we can have whatever. But we need to help eachother. All in favor say aye."
A chorus of 'Aye!'s rang out from them, and because of the dark, no one saw the smile on Peter's face.
So these were the new sounds,

"Look out Tom! There's a tree in front of you!"
"Thanks!"
"Ouch! That hurt!"
"I'm sorry, I'll try not to next time!"
"Look out Jack!"
"Good! Now go three steps to the right, and...ya! That's it!"
"Good work Tom, keep it up!"
"Stay with me! Don't step there you'll hurt yourself!"
"Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! You look so...so..."
"I know! I know! Numskull!"
"Guys! Remember! Teamwork!"
"But he's not my..."
"Peace, brothers."
"I'm not your..."
"haven't you ever heard of kindness?"
"Or The King?" *
"I found it!"

"Okay, good work men," Peter said smiling, "however, Philip, your attitude just earned you thirty yards worth of crawling with Jack on your back."
Philip groaned.
"As for the rest of you," Peter said, "you now understand why I did this right?"
All of the men nodded. "Good," Peter said, "now for the third thing, he reached behind him, and one by one handed the men back their weapons.
"I also have something else for you," he pulled out small lights, "guard these well," he said, "protect your families with them."
"What are they for?" Jack asked.
"When the sun comes up in the morning," Peter said, "what happens to the night?"
"It leaves."
"Right, when you light a torch in a dark passage, what happens to the darkness?"
"It leaves."
"Right, the dark cannot stay in the presence of light," Peter said, "evil is darkness, good is light, does that answer your question?"
Jack nodded. "Good," Peter said, "Jack and Philip, get read for the thirty yard crawl, the rest of you, get your things on your horses, we'll leave soon." 

*The King is the character for God in the story, hence the evil and good part as well.

I hope you all had a good laugh, I would love to hear what your favorite part was in the comments!