It's Not My Option

"My sweet Jesus was not nailed to a cross for me to feel good about my brokenness, for my hurting heart to feel comforted, for my guilt to be pleasantly balmed.

My sweet Jesus was not nailed to a cross for me to periodically acknowledge that there is always someone there who loves me, while still living in my sin."

-Melissa, My Sweet Jesus Blog

I read this last night, and felt very convicted.

Sometimes I am all amazed at the grace of Jesus, knowing He has completely cleansed me and made me whole, yet I hold onto the picture of myself that is broken and wanting.

Somehow I think that if I see myself as dirty and sinful, (even if I am technically not because Jesus has healed me) I am being more humble, or a better saint.

Maybe this is because I admire people who admit that they struggle, and I look up to a lot of people who have dealt with issues of self-worth.

I convince myself that I should look down on myself, that to actually believe what Jesus says of me would be to somehow lose the greatness of His transformation.

This really doesn't make sense, because if He really has transformed me, I shouldn't be living like I haven't been transformed. I SHOULD be new, I SHOULD be different.

If people want to see the change, they should look to my past compared to my present, not somehow my present compared to my future.

This sounds so silly when I write it down, but it honestly is how I feel a lot of the time.

But yesterday, I felt a very freeing conviction.

Wholeness, freedom, purity, holiness, it's not my privilege.

Okay, it is my privilege, but it's not my option.

When I surrendered my life to Jesus, I didn't just surrender the right to sin, I also surrendered the right to choose who I want to be.

I asked Him to make me like Him, I want Him to make me like Him, so I can't tell myself lies about who He has said I am.

Even if I like it. Even if I enjoy calling myself worthless because if gives me a feeling of humility. It's false humility. It's actually sin for me to dwell there, because God has given me a place to dwell, and I am abandoning it to live in the shell of what sin had given me.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1)

The command here is just that. A command. It's not an option. DO NOT be entangled again with a yoke of bondage! You don't have to, so don't.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (II Corinthians 5:17 NKJV)