New Years Thoughts

"Surrender to God's plan."

What does that even mean?

I don't know God's plan! I keep asking Him about His plan, but so far, I've heard nothing.

"It's okay that you don't know," I tell myself. "He doesn't expect you to have life all figured out. Just rest in the fact that He knows. Just surrender to His will."

I breathe a sigh of relief. Oh good. All I have to do is surrender.

Shoot.

HOW??

I've been taught since I was a young child to make goals. Dream big, and chase those dreams. Break it down into steps, you don't just jump and hope you touch the moon, you build a rocket ship.

But sometimes I get conflicted. What if what I want is not what God wants?

What if in chasing my dreams, I am not surrendering?

Many times, I have asked myself the question, "If God wanted you to give up your dreams, would you be okay with that?"

A few times, I have been horrified to discover that I hated the thought. I really did want my dreams more than God, but because I want to want God more than my dreams, He always wins.

Most often, I'm pretty okay with giving all of it up. I just want Jesus, whatever that comes with.

But in either scenario, I have tried to fully and completely surrender my life to Him, and wait for His direction, and you know what He does? Nothing. So you know what I do? Nothing.

But because He created me with a brain, I know that something is wrong with this picture. So usually I get back on my feet and start chasing my dreams again, hoping He'll show me a plan to surrender to.

So what do you do? Surrender, or chase your dreams? 

I was reading an article yesterday which talked about not chasing your dreams, but instead surrendering to Jesus, but something just seemed off. The way I put it to myself in my head was, "The answer is somewhere in the middle. We can debate about chasing our dreams, or surrendering to God's plan, but I think He really wants us to chase His plan."

You see... When I ask, "God, what do you want me to do with my life?" He either doesn't answer me, or tells me something like, 

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. (John 15:4)

Last year at New Years, God gave me a verse for the year. I've never had a verse for a year before, so it was really cool, and I am hoping for a new one for 2017, but 2016's was Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

That promise gave me a lot of comfort, being the one who just wants to KNOW.

I kept going back to it over the whole year, and I've come to the conclusion that He has been directing my paths. It hasn't been like receiving instruction, but I have chased my dreams, being careful to acknowledge Him in all my ways, and I have not been hindered.

If in every way you are acknowledging God as you chase your dreams, I believe He will let you know if they are wrong. If He doesn't, keep going. Pursue them, (acknowledge Him) work hard, (acknowledge Him) strive, (acknowledge Him) motivate yourself, (acknowledge Him) and that's called chasing His plan.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new year. It's a chance to start chasing again with renewed determination.

But what will you chase, my friend? Or rather, how will you chase it?

Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, but be afraid of the way you follow them. Do it with the intent of chasing God's plan.

You can't follow God down a path that He hates. He just won't go there. So if you're following Him, you can trust that wherever you're going is where He wants you.

Here's to a great 2017!

It's Not My Option

"My sweet Jesus was not nailed to a cross for me to feel good about my brokenness, for my hurting heart to feel comforted, for my guilt to be pleasantly balmed.

My sweet Jesus was not nailed to a cross for me to periodically acknowledge that there is always someone there who loves me, while still living in my sin."

-Melissa, My Sweet Jesus Blog

I read this last night, and felt very convicted.

Sometimes I am all amazed at the grace of Jesus, knowing He has completely cleansed me and made me whole, yet I hold onto the picture of myself that is broken and wanting.

Somehow I think that if I see myself as dirty and sinful, (even if I am technically not because Jesus has healed me) I am being more humble, or a better saint.

Maybe this is because I admire people who admit that they struggle, and I look up to a lot of people who have dealt with issues of self-worth.

I convince myself that I should look down on myself, that to actually believe what Jesus says of me would be to somehow lose the greatness of His transformation.

This really doesn't make sense, because if He really has transformed me, I shouldn't be living like I haven't been transformed. I SHOULD be new, I SHOULD be different.

If people want to see the change, they should look to my past compared to my present, not somehow my present compared to my future.

This sounds so silly when I write it down, but it honestly is how I feel a lot of the time.

But yesterday, I felt a very freeing conviction.

Wholeness, freedom, purity, holiness, it's not my privilege.

Okay, it is my privilege, but it's not my option.

When I surrendered my life to Jesus, I didn't just surrender the right to sin, I also surrendered the right to choose who I want to be.

I asked Him to make me like Him, I want Him to make me like Him, so I can't tell myself lies about who He has said I am.

Even if I like it. Even if I enjoy calling myself worthless because if gives me a feeling of humility. It's false humility. It's actually sin for me to dwell there, because God has given me a place to dwell, and I am abandoning it to live in the shell of what sin had given me.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1)

The command here is just that. A command. It's not an option. DO NOT be entangled again with a yoke of bondage! You don't have to, so don't.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (II Corinthians 5:17 NKJV)