A Gift Under a Pile of Books

So you can read in my last post (A "WHAT???" Kind of Opportunity) about an awesome trip that two of my sisters and I were given the chance to go on, and that will help explain what I am about to talk about.

As you know, (or should know by now) we will be leaving in about a month. I have a job at McDonalds, but that's about our only source of reliable income.

We're applying for funding from Jumpstart, as well as having asked for donations from friends and family, but we haven't gotten the applications in yet, and there hasn't been a ton of money coming from anywhere else. So you can imagine that I, being the one who is planning all of the financial stuff, have been fairly stressed about it recently.

Well, in order to relieve some small amount of stress from myself, I decided to go online and look at my bank account, and actually count how much we have already.

What I found was that I had enough to cover my own cost, plus $300, which would cover one month's rent, but I still needed another $600 for the other two months.

So I was still stressed. Just waiting, praying that God would bring in the money.

You know... God really likes surprises, I think.

One day, recently, I was cleaning my room. Going through old stuff of mine that hasn't been sorted in ages, and one of those things was my bookshelf.

As I made piles and pulled off all things that were not books, (I confess, my bookshelf over time tends to turn into an everything shelf) I found an envelope. I picked it up and looked inside, it was money.

I wasn't TOO surprised, (confession time again) because sometimes I take money out of the bank in order to pay tithe, and pay people back for things, and stuff like that, so it's usually a fairly large amount, like $300-$400.

If it had been $300, I would have scolded myself for putting it in an envelope and forgetting about it, but after counting it... I still have NO reasonable explanation for how it got there.

$600!!

Let's make this even more clear, okay? I can't even withdraw that much out of the bank at once. Which means I would have had to withdraw on two separate occasions, and put the money in one envelope for a reason, and you'd think, if that happened, I would have some small recollection of doing it. Nothing.

I asked my family, no one else left it there. It had to be mine.

Mind. Blown.

It's like an angel left it for me!

Anyway, a couple days later I was explaining to my friend about what happened, and suddenly realized that I had counted needing $600 to cover the rest of my trip to Fort Erie, and that's how much was in that envelope.

I just can't get over this, God is so amazing!!

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:25, 26)

Note:

If you would like to donate toward our trip, you can email me at keturahthomson12@gmail.com about the best way of getting the money to us.

To: Keturah

I just... I can't... Aaaaahhhhhhhhh........

This is what I have felt like since Sunday morning. The inability to express what is going on within me.

It's even worse, because normally if I can't tell you how I feel, I can at least tell you WHY I feel this way, but this time I can only tell you the latter part of it.

The beginning is a story that I don't fully understand, I wouldn't be able to describe it because I don't even really know what it was. All I can tell you is that I should have loved God more, I should have sought God more, but I didn't, and I was left with a lot of unnecessary confusion and emptiness.

I wish I could elaborate even a little more to tell you when this started, but again, I have no idea.

It isn't that I fell away from being a Christian, or something like that, I just lacked motivation to do much about my faith for a while. So my bible collected more dust than it should have, and when I would talk about God with people I would get this little pang of guilt telling me that I was neglecting Him at heart.

Anyway, that is the beginning. The second half begins with a little bit of history.

As most of you know, I have been saving up money for ballet lessons for years and years. Recently I have been hearing a lot of talk from bible teachers about giving above and beyond ten percent of your increase, your tithe. 

My first thought when this topic would come up would be that I don't have consistent income, and I'm saving for ballet, so I can't give more than 10%. My thought immediately following would be that I am so selfish and stingy, and I need to believe that God can provide for me, so I should give above and beyond. I shouldn't even put limits on it, cause that is stingy. I need to give it ALL. Every penny to my name.

But that's not even wise... Would be the next thought, and that's true. If I were supporting myself, you could make the case that living by faith doesn't have to be "financially sound," but as I am not, giving away all of my money would simply mean that every expense I have in the future, my parents or my siblings would have to pay for, and I don't think that is what God is asking of me.

So anyway, a few days ago I was at a bible study where this came up again. I asked the leader my question, told him my problem, and he said he didn't know, but that I should pray. Make sure that my heart is in the right place, and be willing to give everything if that was what God wanted from me.

After the study I talked with my older sister who shared some wisdom with me, and after talking to her, I felt more at peace about it. (I am still praying about it, but I felt less stressed.) A verse that she shared with me during that conversation was "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

The next day, Sunday morning, I was sitting in the church pew and a gentleman that I don't know well came up to me. My initial thought was that he was going to talk to me about ushering, since I was ushering that day, and well, why else would he be talking to me?

But he handed me an envelope and said, "Can you hold this?" Oh, I see. He wants me to put it into the offering plate for him for some reason. "That's for you." When those words finally set in, he had walked back to his seat already, and church had started.

Looking down at the envelope in my hands, I read, "To: Keturah - Psalm 37:4"

Hands shaking, I opened my bible and turned to that verse. I had to hold back tears as I read "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

I didn't look inside it until the end of the service, but I knew what was inside. I could hardly concentrate the whole time through the music and the sermon, I was having to hold back tears.

Really? Why?

Not only was it so cool that it happened right after I had that talk with the bible study leader and my sister, I felt so blown away that a gift like that would be given to me when I had been not seeking God for so long.

The verse said "Delight yourself also in the Lord," but although I would like to say I had done that... I hadn't really for a long time. I felt like that gift should have been for someone else.

But it wasn't. It was given to me.

It reminded me again of God's gift of His Son. I am the last one to deserve it, and yet...God wants me to have it. He gave it to me, fully aware of who I was and what I had done.

So the end of the story is that I have been blown away AGAIN, by the same story of love that amazes me all the time.

God encouraged me in my pursuit of my dream, to become a dancer. But even more than that, He encouraged me to follow Him again, to take up my cross and run the race for the joy that is before me.

Once again I stand amazed at the feet of Jesus. Even after blessing me with money for ballet lessons, if He wants me to lay down that career, I would do it, because He is worth more than any treasure I could store up for myself on earth.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)