Day 28: Learning About Faith

Hello friends!

I haven't written in a long time, but I wanted to tell you about a new way I've been learning about faith.

A few months ago I was listening for God to speak to me, and I felt like He showed me something that I hadn't really realized about myself before.

I have been praying for God to make me holy, to "bring to completion the work He started in me," and strengthen my faith and my love for Him. As much as I've been praying this, I realized that day that I didn't actually believe He would. I don't know why, I certainly believed Him capable of it, but for some reason or another, as much as I longed to grow in righteousness, I never expected myself to move beyond where I am right now.

That was the first piece of faith that He showed me I thought I understood, but really didn't.

The second piece came really recently, after I experienced two setbacks in my dance training.

First I had a stretching restriction. I don't know if it was an injury, so I'll call it a restriction, but I could stretch in certain ways for a long time, setting back my progress substantially. Second, I injured my back, in the middle of a challenge I had set for myself, called "28 Days of Choreography."

I pushed through the pain most of the time, I didn't believe it to be a serious injury, but near the end of this month it became apparent that it was a bigger deal than I thought, and I really shouldn't keep dancing.

In my last three days of the challenge, I had to stop dancing. That was so disappointing.

Pausing for a moment here, I have to explain what else I was learning at the same time, and I'll get back to how those fit together.

I was listening to a sermon recently, when something that was said reminded me that underneath my desire to dance, is a desire to serve and glorify God. He is the reason I dance, and the reason I train. But recently I had gotten so caught up in trying to train and become a better dancer faster, that I had been sacrificing time spent with Him, and He used that moment to let me know that was not okay with Him.

My first reaction was, "Okay Lord, I need to spend more time with you, I'll just get up earlier."

His response was, (not in these exact words) "No you won't. What if you sleep in and you only have time for one, Me or dance?"

I inwardly groaned, this is a problem I come across sometimes. "The thing is," I argued back, "I am losing time because I'm getting older. I can spend time with You any time."

Just then He brought back to my memory something I had written in my journal a few years ago, that who I am today shapes who I am tomorrow. My dream is to be a dancer, but I want to be a mentor and a dancer at the same time. I realized in that moment that every time I sacrifice my "spiritual training" for physical training, I am shaping myself to be a strong dancer and weak disciple in the future.

I had to ask the question, which would I rather be, a strong dancer and weak Christian, or a weak dancer and strong Christian?

Before I could even argue, God answered my next objection, with, "You know I can do miracles. 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL THESE THINGS will be added unto you."

He was asking me to put practical faith into action. To, if it came down to it, sacrifice what I feel like I can't in order to spend time with Him.

The next thing in this learning process was a few verses I decided to memorize, Hebrews 12:1-4.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.”

The first day since that realization, I was already battling temptation to put off quiet time with the Lord til "later," and the one line came to mind, "Let us lay aside every weight."

"Weight," over the past few days, has come to mean a great many things to me, and it's amazing how many weights need to daily be laid aside, especially, as the verse points out, since I am surrounded by witnesses every day. God not only calls me to surrender my life, but to be an example to everyone else who looks on.

“Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” I Timothy‬ ‭4:12‬ 

When I was told I couldn't dance until we figured out what was wrong with my back, I had to bring it back to Jesus, "Why do I keep getting injured, Lord?"

As I mentioned earlier, this isn't the first injury I've had which kept me from dancing, but I've never even had one FROM dancing, they're all just lame injuries from simple things. Is there a reason? Is God trying to teach me something? Is it just coincidence?

I always want answers on a broad scale. I know that God works through my whole life, so I want Him to show me some grand pattern He's been working on through my life, and how that is laying the ground work for my future. But often He just shows me one thing at a time, just as much as I need and not more.

"Lay aside every weight."
"Seek first the kingdom."
"Set an example."

So...I don't know how long I won't be dancing, hopefully not too long, but this is time I think God wants me to intentionally invest in relationship with Him. And if God doesn't consider it wasted time, neither should I.



As long as my back heals in time, I am still planning to go to Ballet Magnificat's Summer Dance Intensive in Mississippi this summer, so if you would like to support me, it would be SO much appreciated! My GoFundMe link is HERE.