Coming Back to the Present

Hey guys! It's been a while since I've written, so it might take me a few posts to catch up on everything that has been keeping my mind busy, your patience is appreciated. :)

I'll start off by saying, I have an overthinking problem. Since I was a kid, I've tried to make my life the most meaningful it can possibly be, I've thought through the most effective strategies to do that, I have semi-regular "Life Evaluation Sessions," to examine how my strategies have worked, and what I need to do to improve them going forward. I also frequently imagine that I am 90 years old looking back on my life, and see what made it valuable/what I regret about the way I am living now, so that I can nip those mistakes in the bud and capitalize on the significant things.

The reason this very efficient way of living is a problem, is that I am constantly worrying that I will do something I'll end up regretting, or not do something I should do, and then I just have unnecessary stress to live with.

If you can relate to this...I'm sorry not sorry. You know what I mean. ;) If you can't relate, I told you I had an overthinking problem. I think I come by it honestly.

So here is my point in explaining all of this, the bible says that "Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty."

I am in a position at the moment where I am making decisions about the direction I want to go in my life, and as you can imagine, these kinds of stresses are at the forefront of my mind most of the time. But the other day I was praying about it, and I just felt like God said to me, "You don't have to think like you're 90, because you are 19."

It actually sounds so silly when I explain it, but that was SO freeing for me! I have only lived for 19 years! I can't actually know what is the best possible step to take at this point in my life, because I can't see what it will do in the future, because I haven't lived it yet! I know people always say the best thing you can do is trust God, but seriously, God has lived for all of history. He knows the best possible decision everyone can make at every point in all of their lives. LITERALLY the best thing I can do with my 19 year old experience, is try to be obedient to God. And if I mess that up, that is what grace is about. He's not expecting me to obey Him like I've lived for 90 years either, He's just expecting me to trust Him, try, and receive grace.

Where the spirit of the Lord is, there REALLY is liberty. Wow.

More on my life decisions and how God is smarter than me later, thanks for stopping by!

Reflection of a Saint

I feel very... humbled.

Sometimes it takes a shock for me to truly see my own reflection clearly, and today I got one.

This Canada Day has been a very strange day for me. I can almost guarantee that the situation which kickstarted my day will sounds quite silly to you.

I woke up this morning at 6:00am, and decided I wanted five more minutes of sleep. I woke up again at 7:09 to my sister, phone in hand. I was supposed to start work at 7:00.

When I arrived at work, I felt AWFUL. Ashamed of myself, and kicking myself over and over for thinking that I'd wake up to another alarm 5 minutes later, when I knew I had been having trouble waking up to alarms recently.

Each person who didn't make eye contact with me or didn't talk to me was noticed by me. Surely they were doing it on purpose.

I was sent to the back, to work the back booth in drive-thru. At first I was relieved to not be around people, but soon I felt very alone with my shame. I wanted to be with people who would just work, and remind me that I was thinking too much, and that no one else was thinking about it two hours later.

As I replayed the morning in my head, I suddenly realized that I felt so awful because for the first time in a while, I was stationed in front of a mirror which showed clearly my fallibility. I am FAR from perfect, and I felt that really strongly today.

I hated the fact that my perfect attendance record had been broken, that my reputation was damaged. My sister left for a month-long trip this morning, and what I had been calling loneliness suddenly was shown to be jealousy.

I came home to an almost empty house, my sister wanted help with her little children, and I looked for an excuse not to help. I hate writing this, because I do LOVE my nieces, and I love my sister and her husband, and I want in my heart of hearts so badly to be a servant, but I wanted to be lazy. This just added to my growing list of obvious imperfections, so I did what I could to remedy that, by taking  charge of my actions since my feelings were stubborn. I helped with the kids, and I am glad I did it. I was right to do it.

Yet still I feel a hole in me, like I was created with potential, and I have been living in willful ignorance of it.

While I was at work I cried out to God, and wished so hard that SOMEONE had brought a bible. No one had, so I prayed, thanking God that I have access by faith, not just through the written Word. But when I got home, what did I do? I surely didn't read my bible.

But still... God definitely loves me. After about 2:00, aside from moments that added to my list, my spirits were lifted over and over by little things people said and did to me. Not only at work, but my sister and brother in-law put on a BBQ for us, and friends came over to help, and more happened that I can't even remember right now. I feel like God blesses me the most when I can most clearly see that I don't deserve it, perhaps to teach me about grace.

Just before we ate supper, my two-year old niece said, "Tante Tuey (tante means aunt, my nickname is Tuey) is a very odd saint."

It brought to mind the many places in scripture where followers of God are called saints. Not so much the halo-adorned type of saint, but biblically, she is right. I am a very odd saint.

I have a lot of problems, today more obviously than most, but I am a saint.

“Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief corner stone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.”
‭‭(Ephesians‬ ‭2:19-22‬)

Now I don't mean to make it out that you can live in sin and it doesn't matter because you are a saint. Being a saint is about being in relationship, and "being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit," who is holy and without sin. Sometimes the purification process is very uncomfortable, (like today!) and that, I find, is when God chooses to comfort you by reminding you that you ARE a saint. You may not be a fully developed, perfectly sanctified saint, but God doesn't expect you to be perfectly sanctified before He has sanctified you.

Cunningly Devised Fables

With lots of time and little to do, I tend to roam the internet for some fairytale or other, and Tuesday's gem was a whole boatload of Norse myths.

They kept me entertained for about an hour before I stumbled upon one that seemed strangely familiar.

The story was how Odin, in his search for wisdom, sacrificed himself in order to prove himself worthy of the runes.

The Runes were supposed to essentially be these ancient magical scripts which would make one wise. (that's a very rough description. If you're offended because you know all about Norse myths, forgive me)

Anyway, in order to prove himself worthy, he hung himself on a tree and stabbed himself with a spear. There he hung, teetering on the brink of death for nine days and nine nights, until at last the Runes revealed themselves to him.

I couldn't help but think of someone else who was pierced by a spear and hung on a tree.

After seeing that initial parallel, I wondered where this legend came from. Was it indeed just a story that a father once told his son, or did it actually come from somewhere else? An older story, or an actual event in history. So I did a little research.

Odin was called "the most powerful and wisest god," "the Allfather of the Norse gods and the ruler of Asgard."

There are obviously a million differences between Odin and God, (Odin was married to the goddess Frigg, had one eye, and had wolves and ravens that brought him information, to name a few) so I'm not trying to say they are the same or anything. But I do want to look at the parallels between the story of Christ's crucifixion and this story which may or may not have originated there, you can draw your own conclusions.

Some tellings of this particular story say that Odin actually died, and was revived when the Runes appeared, but in either case, he was very near death.

As he saw the Runes coming, it says he screamed.

.....And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. (Matthew 27:50)

Just sayin.'

After this sacrifice, he allegedly wrote a poem about it, which was added to a huge collection of Norse legends and poetry, called the Poetic Edda.

This is a direct quote from the Poetic Edda:

 I ween that I hung on the windy tree,
Hung there for nights full nine;
With the spear I was wounded, and offered I was
To Othin, (Odin) myself to myself,
On the tree that none may ever know
What root beneath it runs.

I LOVE to look really far into things, which may or may not have significance, so I was quite delighted to find that Odin hung on the tree, "teetering on the precipice that separates the living from the dead," (quote from Norse Mythology for Smart People: norse-mythology.org) for 3 x 3 days.

An offering of "myself to myself."

The way human sacrifices were made to Odin was exactly this way. The person was hung on a tree and stabbed with a spear, so by doing that to himself, it was like a sacrifice to himself.

Much like God sacrificed Jesus, (who was God) as a sacrifice on behalf of us, to Himself.

An offering of Himself to Himself.

"On the tree that none may ever know what root beneath it runs."

None may ever know, and none will, because He was the only one who could pay that price.

None of them can by any means redeem his brother, Nor give to God a ransom for him— For the redemption of their souls is costly, And it shall cease forever— That he should continue to live eternally, And not see the Pit. (Psalms 49:7-9)

The tree that Odin hung on was called Yggdrasil. The most common translation is "Tree of Ash," but literally translated, it means "The Ash Tree of the Horse of Yggr."

Yggr means "The Terrible One." (Yggr was also commonly used as another name for Odin, even to the point where Yggdrasil would be translated, "Odin's Horse."

Terrible doesn't necessarily mean bad. Especially in old English, it meant great, mighty, awesome.

So "Ash" and "The Terrible One," made sense to me, but the horse was confusing.

My first thoughts were to the horses in Revelation, but then I looked up more verses with horses, and had another thought.

(again, I may be looking too far, but hey, it was fun.)

And Miriam answered them: "Sing to the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously! The horse and its rider He has thrown into the sea!" (Exodus 15:21)

I have always seen a parallel between the exodus from Egypt and our freedom from sin.

The Israelites were in captivity in Egypt, (we were in captivity in sin) God led them away and into the Promised Land. (God led us away and gave us salvation)

The place in the middle is what I want to talk about here, where God threw horse and rider into the sea.

The Red Sea, you can see as the way by which God brought them out of Egypt and into the Promised Land. Jesus' death was the way by which He brought us out of sin and into salvation.

So what, or who, is the horse, being thrown into the sea?

Jesus.

The Egyptians were the enemies of God's people, and it was by their sin that they and the horses they rode were sentenced to death.

The horses suffered death because of the people they carried on their backs, not because of anything they had done.

Jesus suffered death because of the sin that He carried on His back, not because of anything He had done.

So the tree, Yggdrasil.

The Ash Tree of the Horse of the Terrible One.

The Ash Tree of the Horse of God.

The Ash Tree of the Sacrifice of God.

The Death Tree of the Son of God.

As much fun as it is to explore myths and legends though, it's important to remember which copied which.

Because "We did not follow cunningly devised fables when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of His majesty." (II Peter 1:16)