Not Forgotten

It's Mother's Day!

I haven't quite been able to articulate my thoughts for a few weeks, but when I realized that today is Mother's Day, I had no trouble thinking of a host of things to say.

First of all, I am very blessed to be the daughter of Suzanne Thomson, one of the greatest mothers who ever lived. Earlier, I was looking at a vase filled with carnations that adorns the buffet in our dining room, and thinking about the generations of Godly women in my family.

My Dad's family lived in this house before we did, so my Grandma was the lady of this house, and she was known for being a prayer warrior. The vase belonged to my Oma, who was a hardworking, Godly Mennonite. My Mother has set an excellent example of following Christ and following the leadership of her husband. Now, three of my sisters have small children, and I am seeing the trends of love and humility continue.

I have to sit back in awe, and thank God for the incredible women in my life. I aspire to follow in their footsteps.

But my Mother's Day thoughts don't end there. I'm reminded that on every occasion for celebration, there is also grief.

I know that there are many people today, grieving the loss of their mothers. My heart goes out to you. I know that there are many mothers today, grieving the loss of their children. My heart breaks for you.

I am a part of a group, (I've mentioned before) that does activism on the streets of Windsor, talking about the truth of abortion. During one of those days, I spoke with a young man who told me that his girlfriend had had an abortion years earlier. Until our conversation, he had never thought of his child as a baby. It was both heartbreaking and amazing to be able to watch him begin to deal with it. It was hard for him to realize what he had done, but he knew if he never faced it, he would never be able to find peace about it.

I know that there are many women who have chosen abortion, because they didn't see another way out of their situation. Some have faced it, as the man I mentioned did, and found closure and restoration. Others have never had the courage to think about it. Some have never told anyone. My heart aches for you.

I can't imagine the grief that would come with the loss of a child, but even more, I can't imagine how hard it would be to bear that grief alone.

This Mother's Day, I want to remember the mothers who feel alone.

Whether you are raising a child by yourself, whether you had a miscarriage, or whether you had an abortion, you are not forgotten. If you feel lonely or hopeless, know that you are not alone, and there is hope!

For all of us, let's become the kind of people that would inspire confidence from those who are facing such a heartbreaking decision like abortion. Let's be the people who will comfort those who are grieving, and who will support those in need. We pray that abortion will become unthinkable in our society, but let's replace the feeling of despair that drives people to it, with an assurance of support that will encourage people to keep their children.

After all, the kind of parents we aspire to be like are the ones who love most.


Just a note: If you are a mother (even if your child/children are not living) and you do feel lonely or you really need someone to connect with, please send me an email! If I feel that I can't relate enough to your situation to truly be able to encourage you, I have friends who have been through really rough circumstances, who would love to be able to listen to your story, and love you.

You can reach me at keturahthomson12@gmail.com

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt 11:28-29)

The Ruler and The Tyrant: A Short Story

Part 1 - Subjects of Antiquity

A little kingdom called Antiquity sat just beneath a great hill, which sat beneath a great castle. The kingdom was governed by a good, just, and omniscient king called the Ruler. The Ruler promised to reply to any letter sent to Him by His subjects, but as a rule communicated only through His servants, the Pure Ones.

One day much like any other, a young boy met a dignified gentleman, and had the following encounter.

“I’m Sorrow,” the little boy choked out between muffled sobs. He was.

“That’s unfortunate,” replied the stoic young gentleman. “But that’s that. That’s the way life is.”

“Yes,” said Sorrow, looking dismally at the ground. “It always has been.”

“True enough,” said the gentleman, “And always will be. You see,” he leaned down to look the boy straight in the eyes, “I have learned a secret.”

Sorrow’s expression was unchanged, but he listened with rapt attention to the mystery about to be revealed.

“The Ruler is a myth.”

Sorrow burst into tears, and the well dressed gentleman looked quite displeased with him. 

“No no!” He cried, “The Ruler is very real, and it is very dangerous to say such a thing. Take that back this moment— (his breathing staggered from crying) I entreat you! Before some—awful thing comes upon you, and you’re never—heard from again!”

“This is what I thought you might say,” the young gentleman replied, unmoved. “But have you ever thought, Poor Sorrow, about how the Ruler is said to know your very thoughts?”

Sorrow nodded.

“Well then,” he concluded, “You have already disproven yourself. You believe, by your own assertion, that the Ruler must and will punish all wrongdoing, including rebellion. If the Ruler is so powerful that He knows your thoughts, how have any of us survived? Surely you know that everyone has had treasonous thoughts in their life. Look at you.” He looked up and down at Sorrow’s hunched over, disparaging frame. “You of all people know that the Ruler is not good.”

Just then, a rather plain looking girl walked by, and happened to notice that a discussion of some importance was taking place.

“Well hi there,” she called out, “I’m Reject. Who are you?”

Sorrow introduced himself while wiping his eyes, and the other young man declared himself to be “Skeptical.”

“What are you discussing?” Reject asked.

“The Ruler,” they both said at once, and Reject tried not to look disappointed. “Oh,” said she, and turned to walk away.

“Wait!” Called out Skeptical, “What do you think of the Ruler?”

“I don’t think of Him much,” she responded.

“Indeed not,” Skeptical replied. “And the reason is plain, He isn’t around. You’ve heard that He writes to ordinary people like us, if we will write to Him. Have you ever received a letter from Him?”

Reject and Sorrow shook their heads.

“Who are the only ones He ever seems to talk to?”

“The Pure Ones,” they both answered.

“Exactly. Remember all of the bad things that the Pure Ones have done?” Before they had a chance to acknowledge that he was right, he added, “And I bet I can guess how they treat you, Reject.”

She looked up at him. (He was looking smugly at Sorrow, though addressing her.)

“They don’t even notice you.”

He was right.

“And you, Sorrow. Do they comfort you?”

Sorrow sobbed harder. No, they never had.

“Well, despite the Pure Ones… the Ruler is in charge,” responded Reject.

“In charge of what?” Inquired a new voice, they all spun around to see a lady about forty.

“What is your name, Ma’am?” Reject asked.

The lady didn’t make eye contact with her, instead she addressed Skeptical. (Who was much better dressed than Reject.)

“I’m Simple,” she replied, then hurriedly repeated her question. “What is the Ruler in charge of?”

“Well…everything,” Reject responded, as confused as if she had asked why the sun shone.

Skeptical smiled, “In charge of making you a reject?”

The poor girl’s head hung at the rhetorical question.

Though they lived in a kingdom over which the Ruler presided, and had been taught to trust Him, every one of them had asked the question, “Why? Why did the Ruler never come change things in the kingdom? Why did His subjects suffer, and He didn’t intervene?”

The answer was always, “Trust.” It seemed a meaningless answer, but it was all they had.

That is, until Skeptical informed them otherwise.

“The Pure Ones have invented a very clever ruse, and we have all been fooled by it. That or, (which would be more pathetic) they have been deceived themselves by their own imagination. The castle on the hill,” Skeptical gestured to the East, where the castle sat. “Is nothing but a place for the Pure Ones to go and devise ways to trick and steal from us.”

Part 2 - Satisfaction

Reject, Simple, and Sorrow, each thought about it deeply. No one spoke for the next few moments, until Reject offered an idea. “Have you ever been to the castle, Skeptical?”

“Of course not,” he replied, “It isn’t worth my time. I know what’s to be found there.”

None of them spoke again after that. Each one thought privately that Skeptical was so wise, he couldn’t be argued with. Yet, though logical, his answer wasn’t good enough for Sorrow.

He had a hard time forming sentences, his words were always choked out by grief, but he thought much more than he spoke. The Ruler didn’t seem to be good, but at least if He existed, sorrow had meaning. He promised that if His subjects trusted Him, someday sorrow would end. If The Ruler was a hoax and His promise vain, then there was no meaning, and sadness was the same as despair.

Reject might keep pressing on despite loneliness, Skeptical might invent his own meaning, and Simple might just accept the new way, but Sorrow needed meaning. He decided to go to the castle.

The next morning, the neighbourhood felt a little bit lighter. It didn’t take long for the citizens to realize that the reason they felt better, was that Sorrow was gone. They gossiped amongst themselves, saying a few empty words about missing him, while each one knew that they really didn’t.

(Though Sorrow had left, others remained to keep the atmosphere properly unfortunate. Despair, Depress, Mourning, and others kept them from being too happy in his absence.)

While the others speculated about his disappearance, the three philosophers from the previous day gave each other knowing looks. Skeptical shook his head sadly, muttering that he hoped his fate at the hands of the Pure Ones hadn’t been too bad.

After three days, as Simple and Skeptical chatted about the weather and how nice it was to not have to believe anyone else’s ideas, a new boy joined them. They had never seen anyone like him, radiating peace and brimming with happiness.

“Who are you?” Asked Skeptical.

“I’m Satisfaction,” answered the boy, grinning wider. “You might remember me as Sorrow.”

The two of them gaped, surely this couldn’t be the same boy! Now as they looked closer, he did resemble him, but something fundamental was changed.

Reject, who was often around, but seldom noticed, began to walk toward the three of them. Satisfaction did something that Reject had never experienced before then, he looked her in the eyes. 

“Hi Reject!” He greeted her, “Do you know who I am?”

She knew the voice, but she didn’t know the boy. She shook her head.

“I was Sorrow, but I’m changed now!” He told her, “My new name is Satisfaction.”

“What happened?” She asked.

He told his story.

He had started toward the castle to find out if there really was a Ruler. It took him a few hours before he reached it, but when he looked inside, the little bit of hope he had clung to plummeted. There was a man on the throne, surrounded by Pure Ones. But he did not look good, in fact, he looked evil. Sorrow thought that even a cruel Ruler was better than no Ruler, but now that he saw him, he began to doubt that assumption.

He didn’t stay there long. Suddenly he felt someone tap his back, and a girl was whispering to him, “Come with me!” He felt that she must be an angel, she was so beautiful, and didn’t seem to be afraid.

They began to run down the hill that he had just climbed, and then sat down and rolled until they crashed into something. Sorrow opened his eyes, the girl was picking herself up off of the grass, and heading inside the small cottage they had rolled into. He followed her, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

Inside, there were three other people like her. They weren’t angels, he decided, but they weren’t burdened, like everyone he had ever known. Even the Pure Ones, who claimed to be free from bondage, had some sort of burden they bore.

“Did you come to meet the Ruler?” The girl asked.

Sorrow slowly nodded.

“He’ll be coming presently. For now, I’ll introduce you to everyone. I’m Courage, this is Joy, Victor, and Content. Your name…?”

“I’m Sorrow,” he answered. He didn’t know people could have names like the beautiful ones they had, and in their presence, he began to feel ashamed of his own.

Soon, the door he had come through opened again, and in walked a man. He was unlike the people back home, but also unlike the ones he just met. He was tall, strong, and confident, yet his face showed scars.

“Sorrow,” he said, smiling gently. “Come with me.”

He followed him into another room, where the man sat, and began to cry. Sorrow was so astonished, that his own tears stopped. “What is the matter, sir?” He asked.

“I am glad to see you,” he told him. “I’ve been waiting.”

Part 3 - The Tyrant

“You knew I would come?” Sorrow asked.

“Oh yes,” the Ruler answered. “I’ve always known you would come, I’ve invited you many times. Didn’t you get my letters?”

Sorrow’s tears started again as he remembered all of the panicked letters he had written and mailed to The Ruler, who had promised to write back. Suddenly he realized that in his disbelief of the promise, he had never bothered to check his mailbox.

“I forgive you, Sorrow. Forget the letters, you’re here now.”

Sorrow’s mind was full of questions. The Ruler assured him he should ask.

“If you are the Ruler, who was the man in the castle?”

“He is called the Tyrant. He took over my kingdom many years ago, but he calls himself the Ruler. This way, people either follow him blindly, or deny Me; thinking they’re denying him, but really they are just falling into his trap.”

“What about the Pure Ones?”

The Ruler smiled as he gestured to the people on the other side of the closed door, “They are the Pure Ones. The Tyrant’s servants only pretend. The names they have which you thought were beautiful, were the names they were supposed to have, but the Tyrant changed them. Courage was called Cowardly, Victor was called Victim, Joy was called Jealousy, and Content was called Contentious. You also have another name."

Sorrow looked into the caring eyes of the Ruler, noticing again the scars on his face.

“Your name never was Sorrow, it was supposed to be Satisfaction, but the Tyrant made sure that everyone in the kingdom had names that he picked for them. If you’d like, you can be Satisfaction now, instead of Sorrow.”

Satisfaction fell to his knees and clung to the Ruler, crying harder than he ever had in his life. He felt the burden lifted off of him, the sorrow was gone, his tears were tears of joy.

He stayed with the Ruler for two days, but it felt to him like years. The best years of his life. The Ruler told him that he had sent many people home after meeting him, because the subjects of the Tyrant still lived with the burdens he had put on them, and they needed someone to tell them the way to the Ruler’s house. At last, with the promise of writing, he agreed to go home.

At the conclusion of his story, Skeptical shook his head again. He looked at Simple as he said, “The poor boy has lost his marbles. The trip was too much for him.”

She agreed, and the two walked away together, discussing the tragedy.

Reject stayed, her eyes locked with Satisfaction’s. “Could—“ her voice faltered. “Could I meet the Ruler?”

Satisfaction smiled wider. “He’s waiting.”

"Like A Wife Deserted and Grieved in Spirit."

I once heard a bible teacher make this shocking statement, "Sin doesn't keep us from God. Shame keeps us from God."

Before you start pulling out "For the wages of sin is death," think about it for a moment. True, the wages of sin were death, but the wages of sin have been paid. The offer is extended to every person, so what really keeps them from God?

If you want to get all technical, I'm willing to concede that shame is not the only culprit, if we're looking at the broad scale of humanity and asking what keeps them from God, it might be as accurate to say pride, stubbornness, or ignorance.

But as a Christian, that statement hit me so hard. Have you ever felt like you were in a rut of just failing all the time, and you felt like you were going back for forgiveness every five minutes, as if you could never stay in the presence of God because you just kept falling out? Ever felt like it was so hard to keep up the clean slate after it had been cleaned for you, so after you messed it up a little bit, you decided to stay away from God until you had polished it back to the way He had, and then you'd go back to Him?

I know that struggle SO well. But God didn't put that struggle on me, I put it on myself. His sacrifice paid for past, present, and future, and once forgiven, He has committed to forgive you as many times as He needs to. He was pretty clear about the fact that I can't clean my own slate, and He's never expected me to.

“Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

(John 15:3-5)

"Abide in Me," He said, "Stay with Me." Not, "Stay perfect."

But what is it that we do when we feel we haven't been perfect? Is our first reaction to face Him, or to hide a little bit, try to clean the slate, and then go? Shame will always hold us back from God if we let it.

The first instance of shame holding someone back from God is all the way in the first instance of someone relating to God at all.

“And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" And he said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself."” (Genesis 3:8-10)

Adam learned what it was to be ashamed of himself, so he did exactly the opposite of what he should've done. He tried to be away from God.

Sounds like me.

It's counterintuitive, but God actually wants us to go to Him right away, not wasting any time. He'll fix it when we get there.

Since I've been thinking about what a huge deal that is, (cause it is, really. Shame is constantly and actively trying to keep us from staying in the presence of God, and that is a big deal.) I've been thinking about some other ways that I have allowed shame a place in my life where it doesn't belong.

One way is the fact that I am a North-American Christian.

Growing up, I've heard so many times about the persecution that exists in other parts of the world, about the poverty that people live in, and how good I have it. I've grown up in peace, comfort, and blessing, and haven't really ever experienced want. You'd think the natural response to this knowledge would be gratitude, but mostly it's been shame.

I feel like I've almost been taught to be ashamed of being a North American Christian. I've been ashamed of not having experienced persecution. I've been ashamed of living in a post-Christian society. I've been ashamed of being blessed. I've been ashamed of hurting, when my problems are so #firstworldproblems.

But recently I had an experience where God just freed me from that guilt. Just with the realization that God is good, and the things He does are good, and He uses things for the good of those who love Him. I never chose where I was born or who my parents were. God chose that for me, and who am I to be ashamed of His plan?

That is not to say that I shouldn't do what I can to help those less fortunate than me, or recognize the abundance He's given me. But now I realize that I am not less valuable or less important to the body of Christ than someone going through persecution, now I am not ashamed of who I am. I can actually receive what I have with thanksgiving, and give with real generosity, not guilt.

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."” (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)

He's basically saying that their low status and lack of education did not stop them from being used and transformed by God. The reverse is true. Just like God can use someone in a poor situation, He can use someone in a rich one. The point is the conclusion, that we are not who we were before. We are new creations in Christ, and if we boast, we boast in the Lord!

Similarly to that, I have also felt ashamed of the North-American Church. Again, growing up, every time I heard a pastor preach on Revelation, "the lukewarm church" was always compared to the one I was sitting in. I always felt like a part of a body of sub-par believers, but it always seemed to be chalked up to blessing, "because we live in such a wonderful country, we can't help being lukewarm. We're basically fated to be spiritual couch potatoes unless we move to a full time mission field in a third world country."

Seriously, until I articulated this, I didn't realize how horrible it was. I hope that if you have felt the same way, you realize how wrong it is by reading this.

I agree that the North-American Church has lived in comfort more than other places, but I renounce my former subconscious conviction that every North-American believer is lukewarm or sub-par. Again, we didn't choose to be born here.

Disclaimer Number Two: I am not saying that I think the North American Church can't do any better than it is. As a matter of fact, I think that the same thing that happens on a personal level possibly happens on a Church-wide level, that shame keeps us out of the presence of God. The first thing we need to do is stop limiting ourselves by shame, and surrender to whatever God wants to do with us.

“"Ah, stubborn children," declares the Lord, "who carry out a plan, but not mine, and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit, that they may add sin to sin; who set out to go down to Egypt, without asking for my direction, to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt! Therefore shall the protection of Pharaoh turn to your shame, and the shelter in the shadow of Egypt to your humiliation. For though his officials are at Zoan and his envoys reach Hanes, everyone comes to shame through a people that cannot profit them, that brings neither help nor profit, but shame and disgrace."” (Isaiah 30:1-5)

We cannot afford, as the body of Christ, to find comfort in our shame. If we will allow shame to dictate our response to sin, then we are making a plan that is not God's. If we allow shame to dictate our response to God, then we are going back to bondage to "seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt."

These are the three areas in my life where I have noticed that shame has kept me from closer relationship or better understanding of God, but there are more. Even subconsciously, if you are ashamed of your talents or lack thereof, God wants to call you higher. If you're ashamed of the way you look, or things you did in the past, God wants to call you higher. Basically if there is ANY shame or guilt in any part of your life, STOP letting it keep you from Him.

I looked up a bunch of verses about shame, and it just struck me how God doesn't specifically call it out much, but His heart for His people is clearly that they would live in victory, fulfilment, confidence, and honour. That's amazing.

“"Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you," says the Lord, your Redeemer.” (Isaiah 54:4-8)

Philosophy of Bubbles (heavy topics)

I’ve been thinking about bubbles.

You didn’t expect that one, did ya?

There’s a song I heard recently called “The Boy in the Bubble,” by Alec Benjamin. The song is about a boy who has closed himself off from caring about anyone, or allowing himself to be cared for, because of deep pain he has gone through. 

He has made himself “The Boy in the Bubble,” who says things like, “Punch my face, do it cause I like the pain. Every time you curse my name, I know you want the satisfaction, it’s not gonna happen.”

The song, unfortunately, is demonstrative of real people, who experience pain to the degree that they decide to cut themselves off from loving, or being loved. It’s like another song, “Hello My Old Heart,” by the Oh Hellos, which says to a heart long locked away, “It’s true you’ll never beat, but you’ll never break.”

Bubbles. To most, they are the nostalgia of spring picnics in the park as a child, when a bubble was the single most fascinating thing of your life.

To some, they are the representation of the space they try to hide in and call their own, but it’s clear even to them that they are a cage.

Recently I began to read about a boy named David Vetter, whose nickname was the inspiration for Alec Benjamin's song. In 1971, David’s mother gave birth to him, knowing that he had an immune disease called SCID. (Severe Combined Immunodeficiency) The only treatment for the disease available at the time was a bone marrow transplant, but even that was not available to David, because there was no donor match for him.

The doctors decided to try placing him inside a sterilized plastic bubble, which would keep out the germs that could be lethal to him…but it also kept the world (at least the way we experience it) out with them. David is known to the world most commonly as "The Boy in the Bubble," or "The Bubble Boy."

David lived for 12 years inside his bubble. Along the way, he inspired many, and caused many to ask very difficult questions. “Is it ethical to put someone through such a low quality of life?” “What will we do when he gets old enough to perhaps want to leave the bubble, knowing the risk?” “Should his parents have chosen to abort him?”

Medically, his life caused progression in a way very few individuals have. Today SCID can be treated much earlier and more effectively than it could in his day, because of his life.

Morally, his life demonstrated that in all circumstances, people have value. David’s doctor John Montgomery had to wrestle with these ethical questions, but through knowing David, he concluded that to preserve his life was absolutely the ethical solution. 

“If you take care of the patient better by doing nothing, you should do nothing. But if there is even a remote chance of success, for goodness sake, take it.” -John R Montgomery

David’s gravestone reads, “He never touched the world, but the world was touched by him.”

Who knew bubbles could make you think so deeply?

I think a lot in parallels and allegories, (if you have read my blog, you probably already know) so it struck me that in Ontario, when a hospital or abortion clinic has a space that is legally protected from pro-life advocates, it is called a Bubble Zone. 

Just thinking about bubbles in all four examples, the parallels that show up are really fascinating. The first relates to childhood and innocence, which most people agree should be protected. The second, to abuse suffered by (usually) children, and self-protection. The third, to a child, protecting his life. The fourth relates again, to innocent children, but for the purpose of “protecting” the mother, even at the expense of her child.

Bubble Zones insure that no one advocating for the life of pre-born children can stand within 50-500 metres of the hospital. The contrast between the bubble that kept David safe for 12 years, and the bubble which is meant to secure the deaths of other children like him, is overwhelming.

The strongest thing that stood out to me as I read about David, was that inside his sterile bubble, there was constant noise, and the plastic made it hard to hear through to either side. His family stood by him, bringing tutors to teach him, and spending time with him just like they would have if he had been just like anyone else, but communication was hard. Not impossible, but hard.

In 2019, the biggest reason abortion is treated as acceptable, is because the children it affects cannot be heard. They can’t make their own case. But unlike David, their parents don’t try to communicate with them. 

The doctors in David’s life created a bubble for him so that he could live, and unfortunately it made his voice hard to hear. Today, people who want to implement the Bubble Zones around abortion clinics and hospitals do it for the EXACT opposite reason. There are a few people who have enough courage today to speak for the children who can’t be heard, and the bubble is meant to silence the only voice those children have.

All of this being said, I don’t want to leave on a negative note. Because, as in David’s situation, where a very improbable solution worked, there are always improbabilities that just might happen.

Though improbable, there IS a voice for the pre-born, and it is not being diminished by those who would silence it, it’s getting louder. If you, like me, want to see a change, let’s you and I become a part of it. To paraphrase the quote from earlier, "If we took care of the children better by doing nothing, then we should do nothing. But if there is even a remote chance of success, for goodness sake, let's take it!"

NOTES:

If you would like to join this growing movement, there are pro-life activist groups popping up all over Canada! I encourage you to look up “(Your City) Against Abortion,” and see if there is something nearby, if not, go to the Canadian Centre for Bioethical Reform (CCBR) website, and contact them.

I'm Back!

Hi friends.

(happy sigh)

It's good to be back.

In my last post, (back in the dead of winter) I said something about how I was making life decisions and how God is good. I think now would be a good time to explain.

Since the last time I wrote a post about my life, I was invited again to join 1:11 Ministries on a Christmas tour, performing an old ballet redone, called The Christmas Chest. It was a lot of fun, we worked hard, (both at McDonalds part-time and in the studio) and turned out a really great performance.

Back in 2016, we performed a Christmas ballet called Incarnation, and after that production, I was beyond inspired. My dreams were reawakened and reimagined, I couldn't wait to keep training, so I could keep dancing for the rest of my life.

This time, I wrestled with a lot of different feelings. There was a lot going on, (it's not a simple explanation) so I'll just say that I asked myself and God a lot of questions, and by the end of December, I had decided that I felt called to take a break.

I haven't danced since December 23rd.

I don't know if I will be called back to it, I'm certainly open to that possibility. I still love dancing, it still inspires me, and I think God communicates through it in a way He doesn't through anything else. But for now, I am learning to hear from God in different ways.

At the moment, I am spending my time working at McDonalds, studying for my GED, teaching Sunday school, and trying to sit still at the feet of Jesus.

The other day I was reminded of the old hymn, "Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

That's my life motto right now.

I hope this post doesn't carry a sad undertone. I am really, really excited these days. I see God working in my life, and I couldn't ask for much more. I find GREAT comfort in the fact that God is God, and I am not.

Friend. Keep trusting in Jesus. That's about all I have to say at this point. Maybe next time I'll have something more profound to say...or maybe that's the most profound thing I've ever said.

Coming Back to the Present

Hey guys! It's been a while since I've written, so it might take me a few posts to catch up on everything that has been keeping my mind busy, your patience is appreciated. :)

I'll start off by saying, I have an overthinking problem. Since I was a kid, I've tried to make my life the most meaningful it can possibly be, I've thought through the most effective strategies to do that, I have semi-regular "Life Evaluation Sessions," to examine how my strategies have worked, and what I need to do to improve them going forward. I also frequently imagine that I am 90 years old looking back on my life, and see what made it valuable/what I regret about the way I am living now, so that I can nip those mistakes in the bud and capitalize on the significant things.

The reason this very efficient way of living is a problem, is that I am constantly worrying that I will do something I'll end up regretting, or not do something I should do, and then I just have unnecessary stress to live with.

If you can relate to this...I'm sorry not sorry. You know what I mean. ;) If you can't relate, I told you I had an overthinking problem. I think I come by it honestly.

So here is my point in explaining all of this, the bible says that "Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty."

I am in a position at the moment where I am making decisions about the direction I want to go in my life, and as you can imagine, these kinds of stresses are at the forefront of my mind most of the time. But the other day I was praying about it, and I just felt like God said to me, "You don't have to think like you're 90, because you are 19."

It actually sounds so silly when I explain it, but that was SO freeing for me! I have only lived for 19 years! I can't actually know what is the best possible step to take at this point in my life, because I can't see what it will do in the future, because I haven't lived it yet! I know people always say the best thing you can do is trust God, but seriously, God has lived for all of history. He knows the best possible decision everyone can make at every point in all of their lives. LITERALLY the best thing I can do with my 19 year old experience, is try to be obedient to God. And if I mess that up, that is what grace is about. He's not expecting me to obey Him like I've lived for 90 years either, He's just expecting me to trust Him, try, and receive grace.

Where the spirit of the Lord is, there REALLY is liberty. Wow.

More on my life decisions and how God is smarter than me later, thanks for stopping by!

A Heavy Head and a Heavy Heart

Hi friends! I'm sure you all are wondering why I have gathered you here.

Hehe. Kinda true, isn't it? Anyway, the reason for the gathering on this fine day, is that I have a request to make of you.

Normally my posts are about sharing what God is doing in my life, and this post will be that as well, but I was just feeling like you might want to be involved in this part of what God is doing.

I have a summer full of unique opportunities this year, and I am SO excited, involving going to Calgary, auditioning for a Christmas tour, going to Ottawa, and dancing in all of those places!

My problem started on August 29th, when my head suddenly felt like a ton of bricks, and a wave of dizziness swept over me.

Before you get too alarmed, this was not the first time I've delt with random dizziness, I've had it off and on for the past 8ish years.

I only began to be concerned about it when it kept coming back every day. We have since been to the doctor, received many possible diagnoses, and had an MRI ordered, which has not yet happened. So far we have theories, but nothing concrete, so we're not quite sure how to help it.

So here is my request. If you think of me this summer, and especially this month, please pray for my healing. I really feel like God has orchestrated these summer plans and provided for me to do them, even when I have been too dizzy to work and make any money.

I believe His intention is for me to go, so I'm asking that you just join in praying for His will to be done. And on that note, I could very well be wrong! Maybe His intention is to do other things with me, and my plans will all crash and burn. In light of that possibility, please just pray that He will shape me into who He wants me to be in the process.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

That said, I have one more thing.

Recently I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by my sickness, everybody's theories about my sickness, household stress, and feeling like God was begrudingly giving me grace.

Then I started singing a song I haven't even heard in ages, the lyrics go like this.

Who will love me for me?

Not for what I have done, or what I will become.

Who will love me for me?

Later, God responds to this troubled plea with,

I will love you for you.

Not for what you have done, or what you will become.

I will love you for you.

I just about cried. I didn't realize I had forgotten about His love again, but that's the thing about forgetting. You never know what you forgot.

He brought me back to the beginning again and just reminded me that despite anything I do or who I am perceived to be, He loves me. It takes such a weight off of my shoulders, I can't even explain.

Anyway, that's the update on me, I would love to hear your feedback! If you want to tell me what you're up to, or just let me know if this post encouraged you, feel free.

If you feel so inclined, there is one more way you can help me, which is by sharing my GoFundMe page with your friends, or anyone who you think might like to support my trip to Mississippi next July.

The plan is to use dance as a ministry tool, and to do so, I need to be able to dance well. Ballet Magnificat's Dance Intensive will be a huge help in enabling me to do that, as they strive to train up Godly people at the same time as skilled dancers.

Click HERE to see my page!

Thank you for your help!

~Keturah