Micah 1: God's Grief and Places that Don't Exist

This past week, I had the privilege of teaching bible at an arts camp up in the Niagara area.

Every year since it started, I have gone as a camper. Dancing, learning, and trusting God to speak to me. Every year He has.

My first thought, when I was asked if I would be interested in teaching, was that if I have learned one thing from the leaders at dance camp, it's that the secret to success is hearing from Jesus.

Every year they impressed on me that they had asked God what He wanted to speak, and then they waited for an answer. Sometimes He gave an answer the night before the first day of camp, and they had the faith to just wait for it. That is the kind of faith I want to have, and since I already know He has been faithful to speak every year at this camp, I thought it would be a good time to start cultivating that sort of faith in myself.

"Lord," I prayed, "Please tell me what you want me to teach on." And just like that, I felt a gust of wind, and my bible fell off of the shelf into my lap, opened on John 3.

Just kidding.

I prayed, and I got nothin. Which was cool, that's what I expected at first. I have been around prayer long enough to know sometimes you have to wait.

After a few days of waiting, I realized that I had had the book of Micah in the back of my head every day. I decided to start reading through it, and if I got some inspiration, take that as my answer. So I did, and Micah it was! I had such a fun time reading Micah and then teaching about Micah, that I decided to write a blog post (or maybe a few) about it! So here we go. :)

So, Micah was given a message to bring to Israel, and his message was this, "Hear, all you peoples! Thus says the Lord: Behold, against this family I am devising disaster, from which you cannot remove your necks. (but) He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy."

That's a really short paraphrase of his message, taken from several parts of Micah.

Alright, so Chapter 1.

The vibe of this whole chapter is, "I am coming to destroy you because of your sin."

But then there is a really interesting section which says,

For this I will lament and wail;
    I will go stripped and naked;
I will make lamentation like the jackals,
    and mourning like the ostriches.
9 For her wound is incurable,
    and it has come to Judah;
it has reached to the gate of my people,
    to Jerusalem. (Micah 1:8-9)

I had to explain to my bible study class of 8-12 years that "I will go stripped and naked," is not necessarily literal, but is representative of grief. It's similar to the many times the bible says that people tore their clothes in mourning, it was a physical representation of the inner turmoil the person was experiencing.

That being understood...is God grieving?

This puts into a different perspective how God feels about sin. We always talk about how God hates sin, which is true, but in His own words, "I will make lamentation like the jackals." His sobs are loud, His grief is audible.

But wait. He said "For this," referring back to what He just said about judgment. He is not saying He's grieving over sin, He's saying He's grieving over the punishment He's bringing on Israel.

"For her wound is incurable."

Now we discover how He feels about their sin. Their "wound." I don't think I need to elaborate on that. God sees sin as a wound, a detriment both to the one sinned against and the one who committed it.

God hates every part of this. He doesn't enjoy punishment, but he can't continue to watch the people He loves suffer.

But isn't God powerful enough to heal any sickness? Why is punishment the only option? 

Because there is a difference between finding an antidote for a poison you drank once, and a poison you keep drinking every time you get the chance. No matter how much medicine you take for it, if you keep drinking the poison, it's going to be fatal.

There is lots more to this chapter than what I am getting into, but there were two parts that I found the most interesting, and spent the most time teaching on. The second one is a few verses later, where Micah gives a list of cities.

Pass on your way,
    inhabitants of Shaphir,
    in nakedness and shame;
the inhabitants of Zaanan
    do not come out;
the lamentation of Beth-ezel
    shall take away from you its standing place. (Micah 1:11)

What?

I love doing that. :D So often I read the bible, and if things are a little confusing, or I don't have enough context, I'll just be like, "Yeah, I get it." But I really don't. Since I was going to be teaching this book to a bunch of smart kids, I had to actually look into things like this.

I thought, at first, that this was probably what this meant: 

Shaphir is probably a place in Israel, and Micah is saying that the inhabitants of it are going to be disgraced by the punishment of God. Zaanan, (another place in Israel) is going to be so desolate, there will be no more inhabitants to come out. Beth-ezel, (another place in Israel) will lament the ruin of everything she knows, and...the people will have no more place to stand?

The first thing I tried to find out about this verse, is where these places are, and if they have any significance. What I discovered was that none of them actually exist! Shaphir, Zaanan, and Beth-ezel are not places in Israel.

Shaphir means "Pleasantness," or "Splendid."

Zaanan means "Going out."

Beth-ezel means "House of nearness."

The "standing place," as I looked into the meaning, could mean a stage, standing place, or state of being. "Take away from you," could mean "take from you, as in "follow your example."

A couple disclaimers, I don't claim that this is definitely what Micah meant by this list, but this is what I noticed emerge when I looked at all three of them together. Also, if you read other translations of the last part, there are a bunch of different meanings this could take on.

"Pass on your way, inhabitants of Splendor, in nakedness and shame; (The ones that were splendid are now disgraced) The inhabitants of Going Out do not come out; (The ones who went out do not go out anymore) The lamentation of the House of Nearness shall take away from you its standing place. (the House of Nearness will do the same.)"

What is Beth-ezel, the House of Nearness?

Since what is being said is that they have fallen away from God, and thus, will be punished by God, I think the House of Nearness may refer to the temple, or even a metaphor for their relationship with God as a nation.

Shaphir and Zaanan have brought backwardness on themselves. They did the opposite of what they should have done, inviting the consequence, that splendour would become shame, and going out would become staying in. If their modus operandi was backwardness, then the House of Nearness would also fall in line, and nearness to God would become separation from Him.

I guess I will be writing a sequel to this, since I only got through one chapter today. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my insights, and any additional insights you have! Thanks for reading!

Is God Really in Control?

I have always had a hard time with the saying "God is in control."

A few months ago I had a conversation with a young man, who had dealt with issues I wouldn't have imagined, experienced things most people won't talk about, and arrived at a place of brokenness foreign to most broken people.

I looked sheltered, protected, and pampered, even to myself. I was almost afraid to speak for fear of saying something like, "God is in control." I put myself in his shoes, or at least I tried, and realized that those words that are meant to be a comfort would only be an insult to a hurting heart, even one that trusted Him. 

That night I read a story about a Rwandan woman whose son was killed during the Rwandan genocide, and how she faced his killer. Forgave his killer. And blessed his killer.

I put myself in her shoes, or at least tried to, and realized that though she trusted God, (unlike the aforementioned man) to say, "God is in control," would be nothing more than empty words, echoing in the mind of a person trying desperately to cling to something with meaning.

The next morning my dad got violently sick, and although I was concerned about him, I didn't realize til later he thought he wasn't going to make it. It awoke to me again the reality that I try not to think about, that my family consists of mortals, and eventually, someone I really love will die. I put myself in that place, and realized that though I would cling to Christ with everything I am, if someone told me, "God is in control," I would have a hard time not becoming angry with them.

“I have heard many such things; Miserable comforters are you all! Shall words of wind have an end? Or what provokes you that you answer? I also could speak as you do, If your soul were in my soul’s place. I could heap up words against you, And shake my head at you; (Job 16:2-4)

I read a book shortly thereafter called Making Sense Out of Suffering, and an article about the Armenian genocide, and I just find myself thinking, what is it about the phrase that I hate so much? It doesn't seem to comfort, though it should, it doesn't even seem to convict, though I would expect it to.

Do I not believe it? Am I actually so faithless that I cannot find comfort in God's sovereignty?

But then I realized that the word control implies initiative.

You can't be given control over a situation, nor can you just have it, control is taken. 

Authority is different.

I was at McDonalds one time, (where I work) and my coworker paid an order out wrong. My manager had authority over the situation, but I was the one who took control and told my coworker how to handle it. Together we solved the problem, and the manager didn't even have to get involved. 

If, when my coworker had started to freak out about it, I had said, "Don't worry, Manager S. is in control," this would not have comforted, since she barely seemed to be aware of the issue, much less doing anything about it. She certainly had the authority to step in and take charge, but she didn't, and it would have been useless to try to be comforted by the thought.

When a Team Leader is promoted to a Manager, they are given new authority in their workplace. They are not given control. You might say they are given the authority to take control.

Once given authority, an insecure manager might take control in every situation, but a discerning manager will, more often than not, equip people to handle hard situations by themselves.

I think the reason "God is in control," feels like such an insult both to suffering and to faith, is because it seems to say that God orchestrated every tragedy that occurs, and somehow had a hand in bringing about horrific pain.

Does it seem good to You that You should oppress, That You should despise the work of Your hands, And smile on the counsel of the wicked? (Job 10:3)

It is not God's way to give His people the ability to will and act, and then control their lives. 

So no, I suppose you could say that I don't believe God is in control. But only because I do not believe He always takes control.

God is not insecure, nor power hungry, nor uncaring. Like a good manager He stands close by, ready at a moment's notice to assist, but also like a good manager He teaches rather than takes over.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)

He may let us be pushed further than we think we can bear, but (unlike a McDonalds manager) He made us, and so knows much better than we how much we can take.

For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid affliction on our backs. You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment. (Psalm 66:10-12)

But that too is a hard thing to hear when life seems to have fallen apart. "He will not give you more than you can bear." It sounds more hopeful than truthful, and we're actually pretty skeptical creatures when it comes to hope without cause.

The truth behind the hope is not that He has control, but that He has authority, and if He sees that you are pushed too far, stretched too thin, or are falling too deep, He'll be right there to take control until He's satisfied that you can handle it again.

And the Lord said: “I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters, for I know their sorrows. So I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up from that land to a good and large land..." (Exodus 3:7-8a)

Dispair and blame come with the assurance that God is in control.

Comfort comes with the assurance that God is present, and He has authority.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

Of course, this is my interpretation of the bible and what I have seen and experienced. If you have a different point of view, I'd love to hear it!

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

Not Forgotten

It's Mother's Day!

I haven't quite been able to articulate my thoughts for a few weeks, but when I realized that today is Mother's Day, I had no trouble thinking of a host of things to say.

First of all, I am very blessed to be the daughter of Suzanne Thomson, one of the greatest mothers who ever lived. Earlier, I was looking at a vase filled with carnations that adorns the buffet in our dining room, and thinking about the generations of Godly women in my family.

My Dad's family lived in this house before we did, so my Grandma was the lady of this house, and she was known for being a prayer warrior. The vase belonged to my Oma, who was a hardworking, Godly Mennonite. My Mother has set an excellent example of following Christ and following the leadership of her husband. Now, three of my sisters have small children, and I am seeing the trends of love and humility continue.

I have to sit back in awe, and thank God for the incredible women in my life. I aspire to follow in their footsteps.

But my Mother's Day thoughts don't end there. I'm reminded that on every occasion for celebration, there is also grief.

I know that there are many people today, grieving the loss of their mothers. My heart goes out to you. I know that there are many mothers today, grieving the loss of their children. My heart breaks for you.

I am a part of a group, (I've mentioned before) that does activism on the streets of Windsor, talking about the truth of abortion. During one of those days, I spoke with a young man who told me that his girlfriend had had an abortion years earlier. Until our conversation, he had never thought of his child as a baby. It was both heartbreaking and amazing to be able to watch him begin to deal with it. It was hard for him to realize what he had done, but he knew if he never faced it, he would never be able to find peace about it.

I know that there are many women who have chosen abortion, because they didn't see another way out of their situation. Some have faced it, as the man I mentioned did, and found closure and restoration. Others have never had the courage to think about it. Some have never told anyone. My heart aches for you.

I can't imagine the grief that would come with the loss of a child, but even more, I can't imagine how hard it would be to bear that grief alone.

This Mother's Day, I want to remember the mothers who feel alone.

Whether you are raising a child by yourself, whether you had a miscarriage, or whether you had an abortion, you are not forgotten. If you feel lonely or hopeless, know that you are not alone, and there is hope!

For all of us, let's become the kind of people that would inspire confidence from those who are facing such a heartbreaking decision like abortion. Let's be the people who will comfort those who are grieving, and who will support those in need. We pray that abortion will become unthinkable in our society, but let's replace the feeling of despair that drives people to it, with an assurance of support that will encourage people to keep their children.

After all, the kind of parents we aspire to be like are the ones who love most.


Just a note: If you are a mother (even if your child/children are not living) and you do feel lonely or you really need someone to connect with, please send me an email! If I feel that I can't relate enough to your situation to truly be able to encourage you, I have friends who have been through really rough circumstances, who would love to be able to listen to your story, and love you.

You can reach me at keturahthomson12@gmail.com

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt 11:28-29)

The Ruler and The Tyrant: A Short Story

Part 1 - Subjects of Antiquity

A little kingdom called Antiquity sat just beneath a great hill, which sat beneath a great castle. The kingdom was governed by a good, just, and omniscient king called the Ruler. The Ruler promised to reply to any letter sent to Him by His subjects, but as a rule communicated only through His servants, the Pure Ones.

One day much like any other, a young boy met a dignified gentleman, and had the following encounter.

“I’m Sorrow,” the little boy choked out between muffled sobs. He was.

“That’s unfortunate,” replied the stoic young gentleman. “But that’s that. That’s the way life is.”

“Yes,” said Sorrow, looking dismally at the ground. “It always has been.”

“True enough,” said the gentleman, “And always will be. You see,” he leaned down to look the boy straight in the eyes, “I have learned a secret.”

Sorrow’s expression was unchanged, but he listened with rapt attention to the mystery about to be revealed.

“The Ruler is a myth.”

Sorrow burst into tears, and the well dressed gentleman looked quite displeased with him. 

“No no!” He cried, “The Ruler is very real, and it is very dangerous to say such a thing. Take that back this moment— (his breathing staggered from crying) I entreat you! Before some—awful thing comes upon you, and you’re never—heard from again!”

“This is what I thought you might say,” the young gentleman replied, unmoved. “But have you ever thought, Poor Sorrow, about how the Ruler is said to know your very thoughts?”

Sorrow nodded.

“Well then,” he concluded, “You have already disproven yourself. You believe, by your own assertion, that the Ruler must and will punish all wrongdoing, including rebellion. If the Ruler is so powerful that He knows your thoughts, how have any of us survived? Surely you know that everyone has had treasonous thoughts in their life. Look at you.” He looked up and down at Sorrow’s hunched over, disparaging frame. “You of all people know that the Ruler is not good.”

Just then, a rather plain looking girl walked by, and happened to notice that a discussion of some importance was taking place.

“Well hi there,” she called out, “I’m Reject. Who are you?”

Sorrow introduced himself while wiping his eyes, and the other young man declared himself to be “Skeptical.”

“What are you discussing?” Reject asked.

“The Ruler,” they both said at once, and Reject tried not to look disappointed. “Oh,” said she, and turned to walk away.

“Wait!” Called out Skeptical, “What do you think of the Ruler?”

“I don’t think of Him much,” she responded.

“Indeed not,” Skeptical replied. “And the reason is plain, He isn’t around. You’ve heard that He writes to ordinary people like us, if we will write to Him. Have you ever received a letter from Him?”

Reject and Sorrow shook their heads.

“Who are the only ones He ever seems to talk to?”

“The Pure Ones,” they both answered.

“Exactly. Remember all of the bad things that the Pure Ones have done?” Before they had a chance to acknowledge that he was right, he added, “And I bet I can guess how they treat you, Reject.”

She looked up at him. (He was looking smugly at Sorrow, though addressing her.)

“They don’t even notice you.”

He was right.

“And you, Sorrow. Do they comfort you?”

Sorrow sobbed harder. No, they never had.

“Well, despite the Pure Ones… the Ruler is in charge,” responded Reject.

“In charge of what?” Inquired a new voice, they all spun around to see a lady about forty.

“What is your name, Ma’am?” Reject asked.

The lady didn’t make eye contact with her, instead she addressed Skeptical. (Who was much better dressed than Reject.)

“I’m Simple,” she replied, then hurriedly repeated her question. “What is the Ruler in charge of?”

“Well…everything,” Reject responded, as confused as if she had asked why the sun shone.

Skeptical smiled, “In charge of making you a reject?”

The poor girl’s head hung at the rhetorical question.

Though they lived in a kingdom over which the Ruler presided, and had been taught to trust Him, every one of them had asked the question, “Why? Why did the Ruler never come change things in the kingdom? Why did His subjects suffer, and He didn’t intervene?”

The answer was always, “Trust.” It seemed a meaningless answer, but it was all they had.

That is, until Skeptical informed them otherwise.

“The Pure Ones have invented a very clever ruse, and we have all been fooled by it. That or, (which would be more pathetic) they have been deceived themselves by their own imagination. The castle on the hill,” Skeptical gestured to the East, where the castle sat. “Is nothing but a place for the Pure Ones to go and devise ways to trick and steal from us.”

Part 2 - Satisfaction

Reject, Simple, and Sorrow, each thought about it deeply. No one spoke for the next few moments, until Reject offered an idea. “Have you ever been to the castle, Skeptical?”

“Of course not,” he replied, “It isn’t worth my time. I know what’s to be found there.”

None of them spoke again after that. Each one thought privately that Skeptical was so wise, he couldn’t be argued with. Yet, though logical, his answer wasn’t good enough for Sorrow.

He had a hard time forming sentences, his words were always choked out by grief, but he thought much more than he spoke. The Ruler didn’t seem to be good, but at least if He existed, sorrow had meaning. He promised that if His subjects trusted Him, someday sorrow would end. If The Ruler was a hoax and His promise vain, then there was no meaning, and sadness was the same as despair.

Reject might keep pressing on despite loneliness, Skeptical might invent his own meaning, and Simple might just accept the new way, but Sorrow needed meaning. He decided to go to the castle.

The next morning, the neighbourhood felt a little bit lighter. It didn’t take long for the citizens to realize that the reason they felt better, was that Sorrow was gone. They gossiped amongst themselves, saying a few empty words about missing him, while each one knew that they really didn’t.

(Though Sorrow had left, others remained to keep the atmosphere properly unfortunate. Despair, Depress, Mourning, and others kept them from being too happy in his absence.)

While the others speculated about his disappearance, the three philosophers from the previous day gave each other knowing looks. Skeptical shook his head sadly, muttering that he hoped his fate at the hands of the Pure Ones hadn’t been too bad.

After three days, as Simple and Skeptical chatted about the weather and how nice it was to not have to believe anyone else’s ideas, a new boy joined them. They had never seen anyone like him, radiating peace and brimming with happiness.

“Who are you?” Asked Skeptical.

“I’m Satisfaction,” answered the boy, grinning wider. “You might remember me as Sorrow.”

The two of them gaped, surely this couldn’t be the same boy! Now as they looked closer, he did resemble him, but something fundamental was changed.

Reject, who was often around, but seldom noticed, began to walk toward the three of them. Satisfaction did something that Reject had never experienced before then, he looked her in the eyes. 

“Hi Reject!” He greeted her, “Do you know who I am?”

She knew the voice, but she didn’t know the boy. She shook her head.

“I was Sorrow, but I’m changed now!” He told her, “My new name is Satisfaction.”

“What happened?” She asked.

He told his story.

He had started toward the castle to find out if there really was a Ruler. It took him a few hours before he reached it, but when he looked inside, the little bit of hope he had clung to plummeted. There was a man on the throne, surrounded by Pure Ones. But he did not look good, in fact, he looked evil. Sorrow thought that even a cruel Ruler was better than no Ruler, but now that he saw him, he began to doubt that assumption.

He didn’t stay there long. Suddenly he felt someone tap his back, and a girl was whispering to him, “Come with me!” He felt that she must be an angel, she was so beautiful, and didn’t seem to be afraid.

They began to run down the hill that he had just climbed, and then sat down and rolled until they crashed into something. Sorrow opened his eyes, the girl was picking herself up off of the grass, and heading inside the small cottage they had rolled into. He followed her, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

Inside, there were three other people like her. They weren’t angels, he decided, but they weren’t burdened, like everyone he had ever known. Even the Pure Ones, who claimed to be free from bondage, had some sort of burden they bore.

“Did you come to meet the Ruler?” The girl asked.

Sorrow slowly nodded.

“He’ll be coming presently. For now, I’ll introduce you to everyone. I’m Courage, this is Joy, Victor, and Content. Your name…?”

“I’m Sorrow,” he answered. He didn’t know people could have names like the beautiful ones they had, and in their presence, he began to feel ashamed of his own.

Soon, the door he had come through opened again, and in walked a man. He was unlike the people back home, but also unlike the ones he just met. He was tall, strong, and confident, yet his face showed scars.

“Sorrow,” he said, smiling gently. “Come with me.”

He followed him into another room, where the man sat, and began to cry. Sorrow was so astonished, that his own tears stopped. “What is the matter, sir?” He asked.

“I am glad to see you,” he told him. “I’ve been waiting.”

Part 3 - The Tyrant

“You knew I would come?” Sorrow asked.

“Oh yes,” the Ruler answered. “I’ve always known you would come, I’ve invited you many times. Didn’t you get my letters?”

Sorrow’s tears started again as he remembered all of the panicked letters he had written and mailed to The Ruler, who had promised to write back. Suddenly he realized that in his disbelief of the promise, he had never bothered to check his mailbox.

“I forgive you, Sorrow. Forget the letters, you’re here now.”

Sorrow’s mind was full of questions. The Ruler assured him he should ask.

“If you are the Ruler, who was the man in the castle?”

“He is called the Tyrant. He took over my kingdom many years ago, but he calls himself the Ruler. This way, people either follow him blindly, or deny Me; thinking they’re denying him, but really they are just falling into his trap.”

“What about the Pure Ones?”

The Ruler smiled as he gestured to the people on the other side of the closed door, “They are the Pure Ones. The Tyrant’s servants only pretend. The names they have which you thought were beautiful, were the names they were supposed to have, but the Tyrant changed them. Courage was called Cowardly, Victor was called Victim, Joy was called Jealousy, and Content was called Contentious. You also have another name."

Sorrow looked into the caring eyes of the Ruler, noticing again the scars on his face.

“Your name never was Sorrow, it was supposed to be Satisfaction, but the Tyrant made sure that everyone in the kingdom had names that he picked for them. If you’d like, you can be Satisfaction now, instead of Sorrow.”

Satisfaction fell to his knees and clung to the Ruler, crying harder than he ever had in his life. He felt the burden lifted off of him, the sorrow was gone, his tears were tears of joy.

He stayed with the Ruler for two days, but it felt to him like years. The best years of his life. The Ruler told him that he had sent many people home after meeting him, because the subjects of the Tyrant still lived with the burdens he had put on them, and they needed someone to tell them the way to the Ruler’s house. At last, with the promise of writing, he agreed to go home.

At the conclusion of his story, Skeptical shook his head again. He looked at Simple as he said, “The poor boy has lost his marbles. The trip was too much for him.”

She agreed, and the two walked away together, discussing the tragedy.

Reject stayed, her eyes locked with Satisfaction’s. “Could—“ her voice faltered. “Could I meet the Ruler?”

Satisfaction smiled wider. “He’s waiting.”

"Like A Wife Deserted and Grieved in Spirit."

I once heard a bible teacher make this shocking statement, "Sin doesn't keep us from God. Shame keeps us from God."

Before you start pulling out "For the wages of sin is death," think about it for a moment. True, the wages of sin were death, but the wages of sin have been paid. The offer is extended to every person, so what really keeps them from God?

If you want to get all technical, I'm willing to concede that shame is not the only culprit, if we're looking at the broad scale of humanity and asking what keeps them from God, it might be as accurate to say pride, stubbornness, or ignorance.

But as a Christian, that statement hit me so hard. Have you ever felt like you were in a rut of just failing all the time, and you felt like you were going back for forgiveness every five minutes, as if you could never stay in the presence of God because you just kept falling out? Ever felt like it was so hard to keep up the clean slate after it had been cleaned for you, so after you messed it up a little bit, you decided to stay away from God until you had polished it back to the way He had, and then you'd go back to Him?

I know that struggle SO well. But God didn't put that struggle on me, I put it on myself. His sacrifice paid for past, present, and future, and once forgiven, He has committed to forgive you as many times as He needs to. He was pretty clear about the fact that I can't clean my own slate, and He's never expected me to.

“Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

(John 15:3-5)

"Abide in Me," He said, "Stay with Me." Not, "Stay perfect."

But what is it that we do when we feel we haven't been perfect? Is our first reaction to face Him, or to hide a little bit, try to clean the slate, and then go? Shame will always hold us back from God if we let it.

The first instance of shame holding someone back from God is all the way in the first instance of someone relating to God at all.

“And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" And he said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself."” (Genesis 3:8-10)

Adam learned what it was to be ashamed of himself, so he did exactly the opposite of what he should've done. He tried to be away from God.

Sounds like me.

It's counterintuitive, but God actually wants us to go to Him right away, not wasting any time. He'll fix it when we get there.

Since I've been thinking about what a huge deal that is, (cause it is, really. Shame is constantly and actively trying to keep us from staying in the presence of God, and that is a big deal.) I've been thinking about some other ways that I have allowed shame a place in my life where it doesn't belong.

One way is the fact that I am a North-American Christian.

Growing up, I've heard so many times about the persecution that exists in other parts of the world, about the poverty that people live in, and how good I have it. I've grown up in peace, comfort, and blessing, and haven't really ever experienced want. You'd think the natural response to this knowledge would be gratitude, but mostly it's been shame.

I feel like I've almost been taught to be ashamed of being a North American Christian. I've been ashamed of not having experienced persecution. I've been ashamed of living in a post-Christian society. I've been ashamed of being blessed. I've been ashamed of hurting, when my problems are so #firstworldproblems.

But recently I had an experience where God just freed me from that guilt. Just with the realization that God is good, and the things He does are good, and He uses things for the good of those who love Him. I never chose where I was born or who my parents were. God chose that for me, and who am I to be ashamed of His plan?

That is not to say that I shouldn't do what I can to help those less fortunate than me, or recognize the abundance He's given me. But now I realize that I am not less valuable or less important to the body of Christ than someone going through persecution, now I am not ashamed of who I am. I can actually receive what I have with thanksgiving, and give with real generosity, not guilt.

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."” (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)

He's basically saying that their low status and lack of education did not stop them from being used and transformed by God. The reverse is true. Just like God can use someone in a poor situation, He can use someone in a rich one. The point is the conclusion, that we are not who we were before. We are new creations in Christ, and if we boast, we boast in the Lord!

Similarly to that, I have also felt ashamed of the North-American Church. Again, growing up, every time I heard a pastor preach on Revelation, "the lukewarm church" was always compared to the one I was sitting in. I always felt like a part of a body of sub-par believers, but it always seemed to be chalked up to blessing, "because we live in such a wonderful country, we can't help being lukewarm. We're basically fated to be spiritual couch potatoes unless we move to a full time mission field in a third world country."

Seriously, until I articulated this, I didn't realize how horrible it was. I hope that if you have felt the same way, you realize how wrong it is by reading this.

I agree that the North-American Church has lived in comfort more than other places, but I renounce my former subconscious conviction that every North-American believer is lukewarm or sub-par. Again, we didn't choose to be born here.

Disclaimer Number Two: I am not saying that I think the North American Church can't do any better than it is. As a matter of fact, I think that the same thing that happens on a personal level possibly happens on a Church-wide level, that shame keeps us out of the presence of God. The first thing we need to do is stop limiting ourselves by shame, and surrender to whatever God wants to do with us.

“"Ah, stubborn children," declares the Lord, "who carry out a plan, but not mine, and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit, that they may add sin to sin; who set out to go down to Egypt, without asking for my direction, to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt! Therefore shall the protection of Pharaoh turn to your shame, and the shelter in the shadow of Egypt to your humiliation. For though his officials are at Zoan and his envoys reach Hanes, everyone comes to shame through a people that cannot profit them, that brings neither help nor profit, but shame and disgrace."” (Isaiah 30:1-5)

We cannot afford, as the body of Christ, to find comfort in our shame. If we will allow shame to dictate our response to sin, then we are making a plan that is not God's. If we allow shame to dictate our response to God, then we are going back to bondage to "seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt."

These are the three areas in my life where I have noticed that shame has kept me from closer relationship or better understanding of God, but there are more. Even subconsciously, if you are ashamed of your talents or lack thereof, God wants to call you higher. If you're ashamed of the way you look, or things you did in the past, God wants to call you higher. Basically if there is ANY shame or guilt in any part of your life, STOP letting it keep you from Him.

I looked up a bunch of verses about shame, and it just struck me how God doesn't specifically call it out much, but His heart for His people is clearly that they would live in victory, fulfilment, confidence, and honour. That's amazing.

“"Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God. For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you," says the Lord, your Redeemer.” (Isaiah 54:4-8)

Philosophy of Bubbles (heavy topics)

I’ve been thinking about bubbles.

You didn’t expect that one, did ya?

There’s a song I heard recently called “The Boy in the Bubble,” by Alec Benjamin. The song is about a boy who has closed himself off from caring about anyone, or allowing himself to be cared for, because of deep pain he has gone through. 

He has made himself “The Boy in the Bubble,” who says things like, “Punch my face, do it cause I like the pain. Every time you curse my name, I know you want the satisfaction, it’s not gonna happen.”

The song, unfortunately, is demonstrative of real people, who experience pain to the degree that they decide to cut themselves off from loving, or being loved. It’s like another song, “Hello My Old Heart,” by the Oh Hellos, which says to a heart long locked away, “It’s true you’ll never beat, but you’ll never break.”

Bubbles. To most, they are the nostalgia of spring picnics in the park as a child, when a bubble was the single most fascinating thing of your life.

To some, they are the representation of the space they try to hide in and call their own, but it’s clear even to them that they are a cage.

Recently I began to read about a boy named David Vetter, whose nickname was the inspiration for Alec Benjamin's song. In 1971, David’s mother gave birth to him, knowing that he had an immune disease called SCID. (Severe Combined Immunodeficiency) The only treatment for the disease available at the time was a bone marrow transplant, but even that was not available to David, because there was no donor match for him.

The doctors decided to try placing him inside a sterilized plastic bubble, which would keep out the germs that could be lethal to him…but it also kept the world (at least the way we experience it) out with them. David is known to the world most commonly as "The Boy in the Bubble," or "The Bubble Boy."

David lived for 12 years inside his bubble. Along the way, he inspired many, and caused many to ask very difficult questions. “Is it ethical to put someone through such a low quality of life?” “What will we do when he gets old enough to perhaps want to leave the bubble, knowing the risk?” “Should his parents have chosen to abort him?”

Medically, his life caused progression in a way very few individuals have. Today SCID can be treated much earlier and more effectively than it could in his day, because of his life.

Morally, his life demonstrated that in all circumstances, people have value. David’s doctor John Montgomery had to wrestle with these ethical questions, but through knowing David, he concluded that to preserve his life was absolutely the ethical solution. 

“If you take care of the patient better by doing nothing, you should do nothing. But if there is even a remote chance of success, for goodness sake, take it.” -John R Montgomery

David’s gravestone reads, “He never touched the world, but the world was touched by him.”

Who knew bubbles could make you think so deeply?

I think a lot in parallels and allegories, (if you have read my blog, you probably already know) so it struck me that in Ontario, when a hospital or abortion clinic has a space that is legally protected from pro-life advocates, it is called a Bubble Zone. 

Just thinking about bubbles in all four examples, the parallels that show up are really fascinating. The first relates to childhood and innocence, which most people agree should be protected. The second, to abuse suffered by (usually) children, and self-protection. The third, to a child, protecting his life. The fourth relates again, to innocent children, but for the purpose of “protecting” the mother, even at the expense of her child.

Bubble Zones insure that no one advocating for the life of pre-born children can stand within 50-500 metres of the hospital. The contrast between the bubble that kept David safe for 12 years, and the bubble which is meant to secure the deaths of other children like him, is overwhelming.

The strongest thing that stood out to me as I read about David, was that inside his sterile bubble, there was constant noise, and the plastic made it hard to hear through to either side. His family stood by him, bringing tutors to teach him, and spending time with him just like they would have if he had been just like anyone else, but communication was hard. Not impossible, but hard.

In 2019, the biggest reason abortion is treated as acceptable, is because the children it affects cannot be heard. They can’t make their own case. But unlike David, their parents don’t try to communicate with them. 

The doctors in David’s life created a bubble for him so that he could live, and unfortunately it made his voice hard to hear. Today, people who want to implement the Bubble Zones around abortion clinics and hospitals do it for the EXACT opposite reason. There are a few people who have enough courage today to speak for the children who can’t be heard, and the bubble is meant to silence the only voice those children have.

All of this being said, I don’t want to leave on a negative note. Because, as in David’s situation, where a very improbable solution worked, there are always improbabilities that just might happen.

Though improbable, there IS a voice for the pre-born, and it is not being diminished by those who would silence it, it’s getting louder. If you, like me, want to see a change, let’s you and I become a part of it. To paraphrase the quote from earlier, "If we took care of the children better by doing nothing, then we should do nothing. But if there is even a remote chance of success, for goodness sake, let's take it!"

NOTES:

If you would like to join this growing movement, there are pro-life activist groups popping up all over Canada! I encourage you to look up “(Your City) Against Abortion,” and see if there is something nearby, if not, go to the Canadian Centre for Bioethical Reform (CCBR) website, and contact them.

I'm Back!

Hi friends.

(happy sigh)

It's good to be back.

In my last post, (back in the dead of winter) I said something about how I was making life decisions and how God is good. I think now would be a good time to explain.

Since the last time I wrote a post about my life, I was invited again to join 1:11 Ministries on a Christmas tour, performing an old ballet redone, called The Christmas Chest. It was a lot of fun, we worked hard, (both at McDonalds part-time and in the studio) and turned out a really great performance.

Back in 2016, we performed a Christmas ballet called Incarnation, and after that production, I was beyond inspired. My dreams were reawakened and reimagined, I couldn't wait to keep training, so I could keep dancing for the rest of my life.

This time, I wrestled with a lot of different feelings. There was a lot going on, (it's not a simple explanation) so I'll just say that I asked myself and God a lot of questions, and by the end of December, I had decided that I felt called to take a break.

I haven't danced since December 23rd.

I don't know if I will be called back to it, I'm certainly open to that possibility. I still love dancing, it still inspires me, and I think God communicates through it in a way He doesn't through anything else. But for now, I am learning to hear from God in different ways.

At the moment, I am spending my time working at McDonalds, studying for my GED, teaching Sunday school, and trying to sit still at the feet of Jesus.

The other day I was reminded of the old hymn, "Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

That's my life motto right now.

I hope this post doesn't carry a sad undertone. I am really, really excited these days. I see God working in my life, and I couldn't ask for much more. I find GREAT comfort in the fact that God is God, and I am not.

Friend. Keep trusting in Jesus. That's about all I have to say at this point. Maybe next time I'll have something more profound to say...or maybe that's the most profound thing I've ever said.