In The Good Times and The Bad

God is good.

I see those words all the time. I hear them often, and I even say them often.

This blog is pretty much all about how God is good.

When I am feeling happy or just realizing how blessed I am I like to praise Him for being so amazing. I post Facebook statuses like, "God is good." "God is so good!" "God is good, all the time!"

But today was just "one of those days."

I was confused, I was upset, I felt burdened and I didn't even know why. I was praying that God would take me out of this frame of mind but instead I was hit with the words, "God is good."

I know that, I thought. I wish I was happy so I could post that on Facebook, or write a blog post about it, or even a journal entry, or just tell someone... But then I realized, Why can't I?

I have said God is good all the time. In the good times and the bad. I believed that with my whole heart when I was happy, and I still believed it when I was upset, but that made me ask myself, "Why can't I?"

I was not "feeling blessed." I knew I was blessed, I believed it, but I was upset. I was not happy, so I felt like I could not say something that portrays happiness unless I had a reason for happiness.

The best thing is that I don't need a reason for momentary happiness, because I have a reason for everlasting joy.
Happiness is fleeting, it can come in an instant and leave just as fast. But joy is not a feeling, it is a choice, and that choice is ultimately believing that Jesus is the Son of God and He died to save you.

I have a reason to be joyful, even when I am sad, because no matter how I feel, Jesus loves me. He died for me.

I hoped that by the end of thinking about how Jesus loves me I would be happy, but I was not. I felt the same. Except for one thing. I didn't feel like I needed to be happy anymore.

This day will pass, as will this feeling.

I am content, despite my other feelings of depression, because these feelings are temporary, they are lies of Satan and can only stay so long. But my joy is not fleeting, my joy will still be there when I emerge from the bog that I find myself in, I will see it there shining bright as day, and I will feel it better then.

For now I just need to trust that I am safe. God is holding me even when I can't feel Him, and He has my heart. He has my joy.


Yes, God is good.

ALL THE TIME.

Opening Doors Part 1: Knocking

Hey there!

I had the most amazing phone conversation a few days ago, and it is making me think that maybe God is doing something really cool. I don't know where this will end, whether it will be the way I want it or not, but I decided to post about the way it has been going thus far, and I will write a second part once I find out the outcome.

So here it is.

If anyone has been interested enough to go to Bracelets for Ballet on the right side of this page, has read my About Me section, or has read either of my earlier posts, A Familar Smile, or Encourager, you will know already that I am aspiring to be a ballerina.

For the longest time I have wanted to take lessons but have had virtually no means of doing so. I have taken a few random classes throughout the year as well as a week-long dance camp coming up in August again. I am 15 years old and probably in grade 2 ballet.

I decided a while ago that I was going to buckle down and take lessons this year if I possibly could, but it was like there was a row of doors in my face, all of them closed.

Door #1: A Studio

I had looked into a whole bunch of different studios in Windsor and had come to the conclusion that the only one I was interested in was the Dance Barre, which is a secular studio and VERY stressful according to what I have heard about it. Also it is not very convenient for my mother to drive me out to where it is twice-three times a week.

But we would make it happen, if I was able to raise the money for it.

But just a little while ago, we heard about a Catholic studio called Academie Ste Cecile, which "just happens" to have a lot of people I know who go there and they all love it. It also "just happens" to be way easier for Mom to drive me to.

Note: I am still undecided between the two, because I don't know all of the details about Academie Ste Cecile yet.

Door #2: Technique

As I just mentioned, I don't know all about Ste Cecile yet. The number one thing I am concerned about is ballet technique. But in order to tell if a studio teaches good technique, you have to watch a video of their dancers. I emailed the teacher and asked for a video, but they don't show videos of their dancers to other people, so that seemed like a deal breaker. The Dance Barre it was.

But then I found out that a good friend of mine takes lessons there! She has a recital video from a few years ago and so I will get to see that.

Also, another big deciding factor was that most studios decided what class you are going to be in according to your age. That is NOT a good thing. They should place you in classes according to your ability and experience. I asked about this, and they decide according to ability, not age.

Door #3: Money

On our Bracelets for Ballet Facebook page I started a weekly update of "This is how much money I need, this is how long I have to get it." But since you can't charge tons of money for bracelets, the money was slow coming in, although I was getting lots of business.

I had asked the Dance Barre if there is any way I can work in exchange for a discount, but that was not possible.

I thought to myself one day, It would take a miracle for this to happen. It would literally take someone walking up to me and saying, "Here's a thousand dollars."

Then we heard about this crew that goes out in the summer and works in corn fields, detasseling the corn. The pay is extremely high, though the work is extremely hard. (If you want to check it out, you can go to their website here - http://www.corncrew.com/)
They were supposed to have closed the registration already, but for "some reason," they left them open late and we got them in.

Then I got a phone call from the teacher at Academie Ste Cecile, and she answered all of my questions super helpfully, she was soooo nice, I really want her to be my teacher. When I emailed her, I had asked if there was any way I could work for a discount, and she gave me the answer to that on the phone. There are three girls doing that right now, what they call a Working Scholarship, but one of them, again, "just happens" to maybe not be able to do it this upcoming school year, so she said she would put me down as first in line for that position if she can't do it.

That scholarship gives you a HALF PRICE discount! Although it is an amazing discount, I would still need about $300 IF I get the working scholarship.

Door #4: Corn Detasseling

Even though we got our applications in, we found out that there were hundreds of other applicants, so the chances of us getting the job were not that great.

It made it even worse when we found out later that they had already hired a whole bunch of people from previous years, so that made the chance even smaller!

Yesterday I was doing something for my dad, and my sister who applied with me came over to tell me that we got accepted, but we missed the replying date, and our jobs were given to people on the waiting list.

I just prayed, barely hoping, that we would somehow still get it, and when I went back to our room it turned out that she had made a mistake and we still had about a week to respond!


It seemed like those doors were not going to open. I didn't think they would. But God has been opening them, one at a time and just in the right time, I am amazed again at what He is doing.

My hope is that He will proceed to open the remaining doors, #1: Technique, and #2: The Working Scholarship. Either that or open the Money door for the Dance Barre, but honestly I would prefer Academie Ste Cecile.

But it is all in His hands. :) I don't know why He would open so many doors only to close them again, but if He does, His plan is perfect and I just need to trust Him with it.

So I will post again when I find out about the technique, either with the title being Opening Doors Part 2: Open, or Opening Doors Part 2: Closed.

I can't wait to see what God is doing!

All The Things!!!!

HI!!!!! :D

Happiness overload.

Oh yes.

SO. I have not blogged in a really long time, partly due to computer issues, and before that, lack of things to write about.

But in the time that I have not been able to blog, I have had so many things to write about, I don't think I will remember them all.

The first one that I'll mention happened yesterday, and this is just one of those kinds of moments that I think I have shared before and most Christians reading this will recognize. I was really having a bad day. I'm not going to share exactly why, but I felt really upset, and I was trying to do good and be...good, I guess. But everything was just failing and I felt like it was my fault and I just couldn't do anything right.

As I mentioned before, my computer has not been working, so as I was pretty much at my wit's end, I was finally able to get on Facebook and the first thing I read was, "I wish I could express how good God is."

I knew I needed to be reminded. I know He is good all the time but sometimes He feels a million miles away, so I read on.

There was more about how good He is, but what really spoke to me was the verse,

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.  (Psalm 34:13-18)

Oh man.

I would not call myself righteous by definition, but the bible says that I am righteous. Abraham was called righteous because of his faith, and God calls me righteous for the same reason. So I believe that God put this verse there at that time for me to read, because He knew I needed to be reminded that His eyes are toward me and He hears my cry, when I cried for help He heard me, and He will deliver me from my troubles. He is near to me and He will save me.

Ahhhhhh........

Anyways, so that was the first thing. This is going to be a long post, sorry guys. :P

The second thing is this, does anyone remember my post from November called A Day To Remember? It was about my sister who had a miscarriage. Since then she is pregnant again, this time with TWINS! 

But there is a problem. She has a negative blood type and her husband is positive, that means that the babies have a 50/50 chance of getting either positive or negative. So if she happens to be carrying a positive baby, her body can develop antibodies which can potentially attack the baby. You are supposed to get a shot to prevent them from forming if you are a negative blood type.

We didn't know this at first, so during her first pregnancy that is what happened.

Once they develop though, there is no getting rid of them, they are there to stay, and will be a danger to all future pregnancies. They can't shrink either, they only grow. It is scientifically impossible for them to go away.

But we believe in miracles. :)

At our prayer meeting at church, we have been praying for these babies, and we have been praying the impossible, that the antibodies will disappear.

A few weeks later my sister came home from her midwife appointment to report that her midwife was astonished to find that they had shrunk. They were so small they were barely traceable, and she really didn't know whether to worry about them or not.

We didn't stop praying though, we kept praying that they would go away completely, and as of a few weeks ago, they are GONE.

Completely. Disappeared.

HALLELUJAH!! :D

AND, if you want more miracles, read this earlier post if you haven't already, So Strong, and then check out what is happening with these twins, https://www.facebook.com/senntwins

Have a great day!

Encourager

My God is an Encourager.

And for this, I am blessed.

Recently I have been wrestling with a lot of discouragement. So I have been praying for some kind of encouragement. In any form really, I'm not picky.

On Friday I went to a craft show to sell bracelets, (if you don't know what that is all about, read 'Bracelets for Ballet' on the right side of the screen) it was a three day show, Friday night, and then Saturday and Sunday.

So the last two days were much like any other show, except a bit slower.

But then today was like a "Hey! You asked for encouragement, you're gonna get it!" kind of day. :D

This may not seem so awesome to you guys just reading this, but to me, it meant a lot.

I met a girl on Friday who told me today that she is a professional dancer. She told me good luck with our bracelets and gave me some contact information and said that she does free dance workshops sometimes if I was interested.

That was super exciting!

And then after that a girl came over and asked where I was planning on taking dance lessons. I told her either the Dance Barre or Academie Ste Cecile, and she said she works at the Dance Barre! How crazy is that?
She bought a bracelet and then continued on her way. A few minutes later I saw her talking with a guy who I assumed was her brother, and in a few seconds he came my way with a five dollar bill in hand.

He came up and said that he doesn't really wear bracelets, so he didn't want to buy anything, but he said he liked what I was doing, and he wanted to support me. "My sister is a dancer," he said, "and for someone to not get lessons...that really hits home for me."

That made me so happy...you have no idea. :)

Talking with these three people really made me realize how many people come by and buy a bracelet just to support us. It makes me really grateful.

I feel like someday if I become a professional dancer, I will be in some interview, and I'll be like, "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for God, my parents, etc. etc., and I just want to thank that one guy at a craft show a long time ago who told me never to give up, and that lady at another craft show who told me I was pretty and to keep on going, and that other guy at the same craft show as the lady who gave me twenty dollars!" At this point I will look at the person who is interviewing me, "Can you believe that? TWENTY DOLLARS! For a THREE DOLLAR BRACELET." Then I will keep going, "And that little boy who only had a quarter but he gave it to me so I could take ballet, and that one..." The reporter will probably have to shut me up. I have had so many people that I am so grateful for, who didn't know me, but just felt like blessing me. :)

These people are so encouraging, and I know it is God who used them to encourage me.

He is my Encourager.

He is awesome.

His Beautiful Picture

Good afternoon y'all! Or Good Whatever-time-of-day-it-happens-to-be-when-you-read-this, I am sure it can be just as fabulous as any other time of day. :)

I am thinking of actually changing this blog to a Bible insights/God sightings blog, because that is what the majority of my posts seem to be about...what do you think? Please comment and let me know.

Anyways, so, I don't have a specific passage or anything to talk about, I just had a really cool mental image the other day that I wanted to share.

For anyone who has not read my earlier post, Reading Genesis Again, I am going through the old testament with a new perspective. The new perspective is that, instead of just reading it for face value, I am searching for prophecies about Jesus, places it mentions Jesus, or just things that resemble the character of God, that I would not have noticed before. I am still in Genesis, but a lot further along than I was when I wrote that.

So the other day I was reading, and I came across a place that prophesied about Jesus.

Thinking about this, I thought about life as a story. God is the Author, and we are His characters. He is writing the story, and He is in every page, holding it all together.

This brought on a new train of thought, thinking of life as a tapestry. God is the Weaver, and we are His threads. From our perspective, all we see is a mess of thread, because we are part of it, we do not have the point of view to see what He is weaving.

Then I thought, He is weaving a picture of Himself. He is throughout the picture, in every part of it, He IS the picture, He IS the life.

That brought on a new thought, I thought about war. The holocaust. How death and pain are also throughout history, how can that make a beautiful picture?

Again, we are too near sighted. We don't see it from the Weaver's perspective.

Every time there is war, every time there is hurt, the blood stains the thread.

In the end, when the picture is finished, it will be a picture of Him, the stained threads His wounds that He endured for our sake.

It won't JUST be a picture of Him, I realized, it will be a picture of what He did. It will show that the mistakes we made that stained the tapestry, He made them stain Him, so that the picture would be perfect.

 So remember that whatever you are going through at any time in your life, you don't see the bigger picture. You may just see a mess of thread, but God can use it to weave His beautiful picture.

Standing Alone

I just wanted to share a cool picture I got a few days ago.

On June 7th, at Marlborough School, put on by Ambassador Baptist Church in West Windsor, we are having a carnival to reach out into the community. (If you want to come, information is at the bottom)

So a few days ago, myself and two of my siblings went around to the neighborhood houses delivering cards for it, and one house I came to had a really interesting thing in front of their porch.

There was a beautiful single tall yellow tulip beside the steps, it far out-shone the flowers around it. But the others, for whatever reason, were all bend away from it, as though they were avoiding it.

At first I just thought it was weird, but as I thought about it, I came to realize that it shows a picture of what the world is like.

God is awesome.

The more I know about Him, the closer I come to Him, to more I realize that. He seems to get better and better every time I learn something new.

I feel like something that beautiful should attract people, should draw them in, but instead, they are all shrinking away. Leaning as far away from Him as they can, even though their stems might break because they are so bent.

I just thought that was cool.




And now for anyone who is interested in the carnival that we are putting on, here is the card with the details. :)

A Familiar Smile

Siblings are gifts.

This is something I learned again yesterday.

Yesterday was just one of those days. I probably seemed totally normal to everyone around me, but through most of the day I was fighting a battle inside my head, trying to weakly fight off attacks of "You aren't good enough," "You'll never achieve your goals," "You can never work hard enough," etc., and failing miserably.

Near the end of the day, I was stretching after a ballet class in my living room, and I came to a point where I looked over and saw my sister who is way more flexible than I am, and pretty nearly had a break down.

But just then my older sister walked in and started to make me laugh. Within seconds I had forgotten the weight of the day and was able to laugh and appreciate her company.

I thought about it a lot afterwards. It's amazing how big a blessing something as simple as talking and laughing can be.

And I am thankful for the familiar faces around me, the ones that can snap me out of a depressed mood simply by walking over and smiling.