Life in Crystal Beach and Old Promises

Hello people!

I did it again, where I didn't write for a really long time and now I'm not sure where to start.

Well, I guess I'll give kind of an overview of what I've been up to/thinking about for the past little while.

As some of you know, I moved in with my sister and my second cousin, (who doubles as my dance teacher) in Crystal Beach, so I could take ballet classes back in September/October. I transferred work to a McDonalds in Fort Erie, and I stayed here for a month, and then went back home for October-November.

I came back near the end of November, and I'm here until the end of January, although I am going home in a couple days for Christmas and New Years. (So pumped!!)

That's a rough synopsis of what I've been doing, but as always, I much prefer writing about Jesus.

Oh....where to start....okay. Have you ever felt like you aren't in a bad place spiritually, you wouldn't really call it a dry season or a phase of darkness, but you just haven't felt the presence of God in a really long time? I've been realizing recently that my ability to quickly and confidently cast away doubts has gone down significantly, and I think it's because what I used to know so strongly is more of a memory for me now than a daily reality. So I've been praying and asking the Lord to send His presence to be with me in a way that I can't doubt anymore, and just waiting on Him to do it.

(Just to be clear, when I say I have been absent from His presence, I don't mean that either of us have forsaken or turned away from the other. Like I said, I'm not in a "dry" or "dark" place, but I have been missing feeling Him. I know I don't need to feel Him, truth is not based on feelings, but it is nice.)

Well a few days ago, He showed me something that encouraged me so much, and I am sharing it with you in hopes that it will encourage you too.

I read Psalm 121, and the whole thing was just really nice and comforting. You should read it, cause I'm only going to mention the last verse. (Seriously read it, it's short.)

“The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.” (Psalms‬ ‭121:8‬)

Verse 8 struck me because I realized that this promise is not starting now. "From this time forth," does not mean starting now and never ending, that verse was a promise to me when I first was born again into the family of God.

Five years ago, this promise was for me, and for five years it has never failed, and for the rest of my life it never will.

The other thing that stood out to me about the verse were the words "going out and coming in." Of where?

I have been feeling absent from the presence of God for a while now. I have been missing it. I miss just sitting with Him and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is with me, but this verse spoke so strongly to that feeling. If I would paraphrase the verse, I would say it like this.

"He will preserve your going out of His presence and your coming into His presence, from the moment you first entered and even forevermore."

So here's my last thought to close this up. If you are a long time Christian, you don't need a new promise. This one is for you, and God is so true to His promises, He doesn't need to give them again. Hold onto that. Know that He has never forgotten this promise since He gave it.

If you are not a Christian, this promise is being offered to you. You know what you need, you don't need me to tell you, but let God tell you He will give it to you.
The beginning of that chapter says, "I will look to the hills, from whence comes my help, my help comes from the Lord." So look. Look to Him, He is offering help, offering protection, offering love. All you have to do is take it.


Another Update:

After a loooong wait, I finally got my technical difficulties sorted out! So if you haven't heard, I'm planning on going to a summer dance intensive in Mississippi in July 2018! As you may imagine, it is quite expensive, so if you would like to help me out financially, I would appreciate it SO much. I have a GoFundMe page to make things real simple, so if you're interested, click HERE to check it out. :)
Thanks in advance!

The Last Week

My next blog post will be written after a week at home.

Time flies! I can't believe these two months are nearly over. This has been an amazing experience.

But I'm still here, and we're still busy, so I'll tell you about it.

We finished our room! I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that we were painting it. Well, we finished it, but then we decided it needed a little sprucing up. 

White walls are a little boring, you know, and it's Christmas, and we had all of this leftover paint-splattered lime green tape from the walls, so we figured, what better use for it? It became bows of varying sizes stuck onto the walls, (I highly recommend decorating with tape, by the way, the stickiness is very handy) and a little something extra on the mistletoe ball. And a lightswitch decoration. And a candle decoration. And a random massive ball hanging from the ceiling. It's like duct tape, it has a million purposes!

So, to the tune of Christmas Song by Alvin and the Chipmunks, our proud teacher and hostesses were introduced to our masterpiece. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, they were so moved.

Okay, they didn't cry. But they did say it was unique. That should count for something.

So what shall I tell you of next?

Should I talk about the baby carrot, the crazy trick I almost learned, or Niagara on the Lake?

Those are all great stories, but I think I'll just talk about Niagara on the Lake today.

Neither myself nor my sisters had ever been to Niagara on the Lake, so Rachel and Carolyn (if you don't know who they are by now, they're my sister and second cousin/dance teacher) decided it was an outing that had to happen before we left.

We went on Thursday, which was right after a huge snowfall Wednesday evening. The weather was clear, but the snow was still everywhere, it was BEAUTIFUL. It was like the picture of Christmas.

After looking through the first shop, where I fell in love with more than one overpriced teabox and travel mug, we were met by the others in our group bearing peace on earth and good will toward men. Chai lattes for all.

We moved on and had a splendid time looking through all the shops. I tried on a blue hat with a peacock feather on it, and wished I had money to spend on all kinds of teacups, jewelry, and other things.

We walked into the Scottish shop, and I wished my whole family was there. I picked out items I'd love to buy for my dad, my brother, and my sister.

It's a good thing I'm not rich. But when I'm in a Scottish shop, it doesn't seem like such a terrible idea.

We also found a chocolate bar as big as my leg, if not bigger. It was fabulous.

However, there was a certain point in our journeys when I found something I wanted to buy.

After I overcame my fear of talking to the cashier, I was then faced with my insecurity of being the only one who had made a purchase.

"It's okay," I told myself. "They'll buy stuff too, they just haven't found anything yet."

Well, we move onto the next store, and what should I see but the PERFECT gift for someone else, sitting right in front of my nose, and at an affordable price.

AAHHH!!! My emotions. I wanted to buy it, but I didn't want to make ANOTHER purchase when no one else had bought anything yet! Well, in the end, I overcame my insecurity, (or at least pressed it down for a bit, it came back later) and bought it as well.

I am still amazed at myself for doing such a daring thing. TWICE! #noshame #butdontjudgeme #orImighthavesomeshame

As I conclude my last post of this trip, I'm just going to say that God has been so good to me. I've gone through a wide variety of emotions while being here, I've had moments of frustration and encouragement, sadness and joy, loneliness and lovedness, (that's a poor way to say it, but I can't think of how else to phrase that) discomfort and comfortableness, but I have never felt strained.

God told me at the beginning of this adventure that He meant it as a resting place for me, and though I've been challenged, I've never felt pushed. Though I've given of myself, I've never felt spent, and though I've been stressed, there has never been an absence of peace.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I feel very much refreshed, and better equipped to go home and take up the cross that awaits me there.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. (Matthew 16:24)

But in my last few days, I'm still leaning back and letting God work. We have our last performance on Sunday, and a huge rehearsal tomorrow, which is why I'm posting this early.

I just...ahh. I want to tell you all about how good Jesus is. How sweet it is to just relax and be where He is. But really, I can't tell you, I need to learn it still. Please learn it with me though, because I know that it is wonderful, and you will never spend your time better.

I woke up at 3:30 a couple nights ago, and saw that the fire had gone out. (our fireplace is across from the couch where I sleep) So I got up and went to build it again, and as I rose off of the couch, I realized, "Me and Jesus are the only ones up right now." 

I just decided to focus on Him, and build the fire with the awareness that He was with me, watching me. Helping me, I believe, because that fire started beautifully, and I am not good at it on the first try.

When I went and laid down again, I looked at it with satisfaction, and just had this feeling that He was enjoying it too.

“As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. (John 15:9)

In This World You Will Have Trouble...

Hey again!

So...in the beginning when I created this blog, I was meaning for it to be just looking into life's blessings and showing them to Christians and non Christians alike, but as I keep posting, my posts are more and more from a Christian perspective.

I hope you guys don't mind, there is just too much that I love about God to not post it on here.

So, I have another one. :) Surprise!

If anyone has checked out my business that I own with my two little sisters, you will probably have discovered that we are trying to raise a lot of money for ballet lessons and time is our enemy.

Recently I have been feeling very overwhelmed by it, because I feel like there is no way I am going to get the money when I need it, and I won't be able to take lessons.

Some of you might say, "Well that is okay, just save up for next year."

The problem with this is that I am already 15 years old, and that is LATE to be starting taking lessons. If I want to be a professional someday, ideally, I should have started when I was 2 or 3.

So I am feeling the pressure. A lot. And I really want to take lessons this year.

I keep telling myself that if God wants me to get lessons, He will make sure I get lessons. I am doing my best to raise the money, so I need to leave it in His hands. But then I get bombarded with thoughts like, What if He doesn't want you to take lessons? What if He wants you to do more than you are doing to raise money? What if... The doubts never end.

But then yesterday I went to prayer meeting at our church, and my dad read John 16 to open up, and right at the end this verse just stood out like it was taking up the whole page, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

I can have peace in Him. I can rest in Him. The matter is really in His hands.

In this world I will have trouble, I will have doubts and fears, and maybe I will never get to take dance lessons, but He tells me to take heart, because HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.

A Faintly Burning Wick

I know I haven't been on here for a while, I will try to keep it more regular, but if I have nothing to write about for a long period of time...I guess you will just have to wait. :P

But anyways, since I am writing, here is what I am writing about. I am going to tell you a story about myself, a struggle I have been going through, and how I just broke out of it.

I hope that someone going through a similar struggle will read this and take heart.

For the past...Oh my, I don't even know how long, I have been settled in a little hole of my own comfort space. I have not grown spiritually for a long time, and I have known that, but just was not really willing to push out of it.

So there it is, my confession.

Recently though, I have really come to realize this and I have tried to be on fire for the Lord, tried to just make myself be hungry for His word...and well, nothing really came of it.

Then the day came. Our church was going to have a week long fast, starting into the new year. I saw it as a sign from God and was sure that if I fasted I would again be close with God, and everything would be good.

That is the WRONG mentality to have.

Here is a piece of advise, never go into a fast thinking that not eating will fix all of your problems, it doesn't.

As the week was going by, I still felt nothing. I was not getting closer to Him, I was not being convicted of sin, I wasn't growing.

One day I thought to myself, I feel like I had a fire raging in my heart once, but slowly it has died down, until now all that is left is a small flame, barely staying alive, slowly going out.

But I didn't know how to stop it.

The next day I received a letter from my cousin, at the end she included a bible verse, she said it was one that had encouraged her. I read it, and was like, Oh, that's nice. But then I felt the need to read it again, to study it, to find what it had for me, I read it again and really listened to the words, it was just what I needed.

That verse was Isaiah 42:3, A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench; He will faithfully bring forth justice.

That was for me, my faintly burning wick, a promise that He will not let it die out, that He would answer my prayers.

That was when I really began seeking, I wasn't really sure how, but I prayed that God would reveal Himself to me, and show me how to grow closer to Him.

Near the end of the week, (I had already finished my fast) I had still not grown in the way I wanted to. But I believe that the week was not in vain. On Saturday I went to a new group meeting that our church has started for young adults, 14 and up, and we did a bible study on Mark 12:28-34, and afterwards a few of us stayed at the church for about two hours talking about God and who He is.

That night I felt the fire flare up again.

The reason I believe the week to not have been in vain, (or one of the many reasons) is that we have prayed for revival, and at the end of that week, the last full day of the fast was when it happened for me.

This time I intend to not let it die again, this time I want to feed the flame, I want to always be on fire for the Lord.